Sunday, September 2, 2012

Ahn Finally Decides to Tape Up Windows

"I will hold the tape thusly"
Prospective Presidential candidate Ahn Cheol-soo has finally announced his intention to tape up his windows in preparation for Typhoon Bolaven, which struck near Korea last Tuesday. Ahn said the decision had been a difficult one which he had agonized over, but that he had finally reached a critical point where he was prepared to make a commitment to a probable future course of action.

Some commentators immediately criticized Ahn's decision, pointing out that the typhoon had dissipated a number of days ago, but sources close to the the man who has become known as Korea's greatest procrastinator said that the window situation was analogous to the crisis facing Korean society – it would perhaps have been better to have taken action earlier but it is never too late to say something must be done and save the nation, and its windows.

A spokesman for Ahn's non-campaign said the prospective candidate had wished to maintain a "prudent, responsible attitude" in making the decision, and there were concerns that if he applied a solution to his windows and then they lost integrity during the typhoon, he would forever be associated with this loss of integrity.

The decision was said to have been further complicated in recent days by the question of whether to apply wet newspapers to the windows before taping them, or taping them and then applying the wet newspapers. Many Koreans believe wet newspapers protect windows from the affects of typhoon winds. In recent months particularly, large numbers of young people have rallied around the idea that wet newspaper pages with Ahn Cheol-soo stories on them not only protect windows from typhoons, but also nuclear blasts.

In a much anticipated television appearance late on Monday before the storm hit, Ahn said he would decide whether to apply wet newspapers to his windows after considering the wishes of the public.

Earlier this year, Ahn launched a book entitled "Ahn Cheol-soo's Thoughts", in which he laid out his concerns over the problems he perceived within Korean society, and promised solutions, and solutions to the problem of solutions which other politicians had promised. But the book had no thoughts on the issue of taping or newspapering windows. A new book is now planned called "Ahn Cheol-soo's Thoughts on the Use of Wet Newspapers in Typhoons", and the prospective candidate has already suggested it may be accompanied by a lecture tour in which young people disillusioned with existing methods of taping windows can learn about new ways of doing it.

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