Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Switzerland Beat South Korea 1-0 on Insults in Olympic Football

The Swiss football team have beaten South Korea 1-0 on insults at the London Olympics after a stunning strike by Switzerland defender Michel Morganella achieved a winning breakthrough for his country.

Morganella won the match by posting a Twitter message calling South Koreans a 'bunch of mongoloids' who 'can go burn'. The South Korean team found themselves unable to respond under the Swiss offensive, leaving them so humiliated Morganella later said he felt profoundly sorry for the Korean people.

There was swift reaction in Seoul following the defeat, with politicians questioning the controversial decision to field a team consisting of eleven strong Korean defenders but no natural attacking players. There was also criticism over local soccer training methods, in which South Korean defenders who who practice attacks do so with set pieces primarily aimed at the Japanese, Chinese and Americans.

It quickly became apparent however that the Korean team had no answer to the Swiss assault because training methods had not covered the small, largely uninteresting and traditionally neutral European country. Morganella, who tweets in French, also took to the field sporting a Mohawk or African Mandinka warrior-type hairstyle, creating the deliberately false impression of a weak-minded racially-tolerant multiculturalist who was likely to pose little threat to a pure-blooded Korean football team, which just two months ago reaffirmed its commitment to prevent non-ethnic Koreans who had become Korean citizens from becoming members. It is generally agreed in Korea that dirty and smelly non-ethnic Koreans have no business representing Korea at international sporting events or anywhere else.

The evident confusion among the ethnically-pure Korean players continued into the post-match press conference. When asked why they had apparently had no answer to the Swiss offensive and what should have been said in response, the press were met with silence and blank looks. After some prompting, one player asked what he knew about Switzerland said "cheese... watches... erm, mountains?" with another quickly rebuking him: "we have mountains, you can't say that".

But the reaction of others in Seoul was more measured, with some pointing out that Morganella's winning "Mongoloid" strike was world-class, as it was expertly aimed at deeply-rooted but completely unfounded local insecurities about the origin of the Korean race, which definitely evolved independently of everyone else in Korea, not China or Japan, and definitely not Mongolia, which would be unthinkable - especially when people from that country are regularly turned away from Korean spas. F├╝hrermore, telling Koreans 'to go burn' at a time the country is suffering from a relentless killer heatwave possibly elevated the short 140 character burst into the best in the world this year, according to social media and soccer experts.

The IOC has sought to make the London Olympics the first 'Blood-Games' since Berlin in 1936, by encouraging athletes to share their thoughts via social media, fully knowing that years of rigorous training in your national colors to beat different colored people wearing different colored uniforms often turns young impressionable athletes into ardent closet-nationalists, with only the moderating influences of international sponsorship deals encouraging them to keep their views to themselves. Both Korean teams were expected to do well because of this, and Goldman Sachs – the global investment bank and shadow world government – said before the Olympics began that it had arranged for Korea to finish 8th in the Games.

Despite the defeat, the Korean Football Association has promised to be better prepared for their next match against Gabon tomorrow. Almost nothing is known about the tiny African country but with Korea's extensive recent history of 'blackface' broadcasts and Korean Air's description of Kenyans as 'primitive', Korea is likely to start the game at least 2-0 up on racially-motivated insults.

Related Links
Swiss footballer sent home from Olympics in disgrace for calling South Koreans 'mongoloids' on Twitter and saying they 'can go burn' after 2-1 defeat
Switzerland defender Michel Morganella expelled from London 2012 following racist tweet
Olympics football: Michel Morganella expelled for racist tweet
Can a Korean Team Still Represent Korea with a Foreigner Playing?
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Korean Air Apologizes For Calling Kenyans 'Primitive'
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Morganella morganii

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