Sunday, January 2, 2011

Panic As Korea Times Reports Alien Spaceships Heading for Earth

War of the Worlds?
Korean parody site The Korea Times caused panic over the New Year period when it ran a report – citing former Soviet mouthpiece Pravda - revealing that researchers have identified three giant objects heading for Earth. The objects, which it described as “probably outer spaceships”, were up to 240 kilometers in diameter SETI scientists were quoted as saying.

SETI – the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence – was founded following widespread concerns that globally – with the exception of non-Hankyoreh reading Koreans – the human race was becoming dumber with each passing generation. Finally, having failed to find any additional intellectual capability elsewhere on Earth, SETI turned its search for extra intelligence to outer space.

With a Prime Minister who is frequently portrayed in Russia as ‘not of this world’, Pravda regularly runs alien-related stories which many in the global media community say are unbecoming of a serious news organization. However, in South Korea Pravda is a highly respected brand name which often lures unsuspecting journalists into repeating their claims verbatim.

Not realizing that the Korea Times article was probably part of an adaptation of the Orson Welles drama The War of the Worlds, some Korean citizens fled Seoul while others jammed police switchboards with reports of lights in the sky and smells like “poison gas”. Police later attributed the lights to a particularly large number of drunk people during the New Year festivities becoming terrified by street lamps, and the smell was initially said to be caused by swamp gas although further investigation revealed it to be kimchi-related. A police spokesman pointed out that The Korea Times had said the spaceships were still beyond the orbit of Pluto, and were not expected to pass by Earth until mid-December 2012, so there was no immediate need to panic.

While The Korea Times did not attribute an intent to the visitation, The Korea Herald ran the headline “3 giant spaceships will attack Earth in 2012: researchers”. It is not known how they came by the information that the aliens are hostile.

The left-wing Hankyoreh newspaper said that the alien threat was the fault of President Lee Myung-bak’s policies. In an editorial it wrote that “It is important to engage the aliens in constructive dialog while offering food and monetary aid, rather than repeating unhelpful ultra-hardline rhetoric.” The newspaper has been consistently critical of the President’s decision to hold military drills so close – in astronomical terms – to the Martian Limit Line. But it again denied alien involvement in the sinking of a South Korean navy vessel last year, which it continues to describe as the “Cheonan Warship Mystery” in a graphic on its homepage. Right-wing media groups have poured scorn on the newspaper however, pointing out that the people who vanished in South Korea between the 1950s and 1980s were clearly cases of alien abduction. Incredibly, The Hankyoreh has tried to blame South Korea’s own government of the period for the disappeared citizens.

The Government’s increasingly harsh policies on illegal aliens make it unlikely that the occupants of the giant spaceships will be welcome in South Korea, but in the event that aliens land here a plan has already been drawn up to house them in a special district in Ulsan. Another plan is being drawn up in case a military response is required, although it will not be ready until 2014. However, on their current trajectory, like the occupants of the original Orson Welles drama, the aliens are forecast to land in New Jersey. Despite the length of their journey, it is expected they will return home shortly afterwards.

Related Links
3 outer spaceships approaching Earth - Korea Times
3 giant spaceships will attack Earth in 2012 - Korea Herald
Google Pravda Aliens
More stunning flaws in Cheonan evidence
Misguided Jersey jokes only strengthen Jerseyans

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