Common Korean terms used in our articles are explained here for the benefit of our non-pure-blooded readers.
Arirang
A largely English-language broadcasting network which informs foreigners of South Korea’s superiority in a relentlessly positive, ‘Disneyfied’ programming schedule. Arirang’s sister organization, the Korean Central News Agency, provides a similar service for North Korea.
The Blue House (Cheong Wa Dae)
A long-running Korean sitcom particularly popular among North Korean teenagers. Also the name of Seoul's largest male-only adult entertainment venue.
Bundokeu
Areas outside Seoul are collectively called the 'Bundokeu'.
Busan
A newly discovered city apparently full of Koreans on the southern coast of the Korean Peninsula, but they may not be pure-blooded.
Chaebol
Chaebols are South Korean conglomerates which have monopolies in several markets. Under the Constitution, which designates sixteen chaebol to specific activities, they are responsible for maintaining Korea’s long-term economic and political direction. Together they form one of the three branches of the government along with the executive branch and the legislative branch. Two of the biggest chaebol are Seongsan (recently rebranded ‘SS’) and FQ (formerly known as Fortunate Quasar).
Cheonmin
Koreans who live outside of Seoul.
CJD
Cho-Joong-Dong (CJD) is a nickname for the three major newspapers in South Korea, the Chosun Ilbo, Joongang Ilbo and Dong-a Ilbo, which ill-informed leftists criticize for a purportedly uniform and conservative editorial stance, and for operating in an allegedly collusive and surreptitious manner.
CRETIN (Collectivized Response for English Teachers In Need)
A Marxist English teachers' union for foreigners run on the basis of Democratic Centralism. When members finally realized they had taken jobs in the wrong Korea, they promised to raise teachers' wages anyway through a campaign of demonstrations, occupations and procrastinations aimed at creating a revolutionary environment where workers will rise up and overthrow their hagwon oppressors. The National Police Agency is monitoring both members.
Daemado (also Daema-do)
A Korean Island in the Korean Strait, currently illegally occupied by Japan as a colonialist remnant and improperly named ‘Tsushima’, which means Daemado in Japanese.
Daemado Strait
The correct name for the incorrectly named ‘Tsushima Strait’.
Dokdo (also Dok-do, Tokdo, Tokto, Tok-do,Tok-to)
A Korean Island in the East Sea, which Japan and other misinformed countries incorrectly call the ‘Sea of Japan’. Dokdo has always been part of Korea, and is one of three regions which comprise the Republic of Korea along with Seoul and Mount Baekdu. Dokdo is home to The Dokdo Times, and had a registered population of 130,662 at the time of the last census. Japan ridiculously claims the island as its territory, but nobody knows why. See also - Takeshima, Liancourt Rocks.
Dokdo International University
Dokdo’s biggest university. Multilingual (Korean and the Dokdo Korean dialect ‘Dokmal’) courses are offered in a wide variety of subjects and are available to students around the world although the university regrets it is currently unable to sign up Japanese students due to computer problems.
Dokyo
An ancient Korean city, now occupied by the occupying Japanese and renamed 'Tokyo'. Japanese historians have attempted to remove all references to the Korean founding of Dokyo from school textbooks. In a weak attempt to gain international support for their annexation of Dokyo, Japan claimed to have moved its capital there in 1868 or 1869 - it isn't sure which - but they have been unable to provide any actual evidence to support this claim. Dokdo was founded by a Korean monk of the same name, who Japan now falsely claims was actually Japanese.
East Korea
A part of Korea which split away from South Korea in 1945, along with North Korea. The East Korean capital is Dokyo.
East Sea/Sea of Korea
The East Sea is the correct name for the internationally incorrectly named 'Sea of Japan'. It is clearly unacceptable to name a disputed body of water between two countries after the name of only one of those countries, and should obviously therefore be correctly named the 'East Sea', since it factually lies to the east of Korea.
Eslam
The Followers of English (pbui) in Korea, broadly split between those identifying with the radical ESL Advocacy Movement and those identifying with the even more radical English Speakers who Love America. Radical Eslamists in Korea regularly demand the adoption of English by Koreans, whose continued refusal to turn Korea into an English-speaking country is an insult to Eslam. The group is believed to be holding a number of Korean women against their will.
Free Kingdoms
A period of Korean history in which anyone could easily occupy the country and usually did.
FQ
A large Korean conglomerate, or ‘chaebol’, which manufactures a wide variety of products including televisions, communications equipment and toothpaste. Known as ‘Fortunate Quasar’ before it rebranded. All senior FQ staff are graduates of Korea International University. The name is pronounced phonetically.
Greater China (the ‘Greater China Co-Prosperity Sphere’)
The countries and areas currently occupied by China, other regions which China claims, and territories such as Korea which it ‘has its eye on’.
Hagwon
A hagwon is where tired Korean children are subjected to sleep-deprivation endurance tests before and after attending school. Hagwons are sometimes called 'cram schools' in Korea, but they are businesses, not schools. English language hagwons are sometimes called 'hakkwons', 'hagwans', 'hogwons', 'hogwans', 'wagwons' and 'wigwams' by the native English teachers who work there and can't even get just one damn Korean word right, even though they spend all day in it.
hankyoreh (han-gyoh’-rae)
dictionary definition: tr.v. Hankyorehing, n. Hankyo (see also Hankyo-saram)
1.To appease
2.To sympathize
3.To believe anything
Hansik
The Korean name for Korean food. Recently, in an effort to globalize hansik the Korean Government itself has opened a restaurant in New York. Under the tag-line “Come and get hansik”, the Globalized Korean Government International Superior Safe Food Wellbeing Ubiquitous Dokdo Is Korean Territory Restaurant will convince Americans that Korean cuisine is superior and they will give up eating Big Macs in favor of several-month old rotting cabbage dishes.
KASA - The Korean Association of Sex Attackers
A popular male-only group which fights for the rights of sex attackers and rapists in Korea. The group is famous for its advertising campaign 'Your KASA Is My KASA'.
KBS
A common acronym among foreigners - from the English 'BS' (e.g. "My boss is full of BS."), but used in a Korean context. Example: "What that immigration official told me? Total KBS." (Rarer usage: also the name of a small media group featuring KBS programming and general KBS anti-foreign sentiment).
Kim
A common Korean family name. Some researchers have suggested that non-Kims may not be real Koreans.
Korea International University
Korea is so internationally respected, a university was named in its honor. Korea International University is one of the big three so-called ‘SKYnet’ universities along with Seoul International University and that other one that begins with a ‘Y’.
Koliban
The Koliban are a conservative Korean group ('반') who believe that women should keep their physical distance ('거리') from men they are not related or married to. The group advocates a return to traditional values and clothing, with women wearing a hanbok which completely covers the body, or even Dokdo's traditional dokbok, which is styled like a hanbok, but is more extensive - covering the neck and all of the head of the wearer.
Korea, Republic Of / South Korea / “The RoK”
A country situated between Japan, which regards Korea as a rogue province, and China, which regards it as a future province. Korea is also known by its Ultimate Fighting Championship stage name, “The RoK”.
Korean Fashion Council (KFC)
The Korean Fashion Council decides what kind of coatings Korean women should be covered in.
Korean Government
The Korean Government is based in Seoul, and consists of three branches - the Executive branch, the Legislative branch, and the Chaebol branch. As a corporate democracy which can trace its roots back as far as the late 1980s, people are free to vote for whichever candidates the media chaebols choose for them.
Korean Wave
The Korean version of the famous ‘I Spy’ guessing game. In the game, one person starts by picking an object or event anywhere in the world outside Korea, and then other players attempt to explain why that object or event is influenced by Korea, could only have happened because of Korea, or is in fact actually Korean and not really owned by that other country at all. Once proved, that particular round of the game must be ended with a cry of “The Korean Wave is sweeping the world/Asia/Europe/Japan” or whichever geographical region the perceived Korean provenance or hegemony is being claimed for. The game is particularly popular with people who work in the media.
Koreanism
'Koreanism' is the name given to the philosophy and state of being Korean. In recent years, this has been heavily diluted in South Korea by foreign influences - but Koreanism in its purest form can still be found in the North.
KosPI - Korea's Pride Index
Introduced in 1983 with a base value of 100, the KosPI measures the level of pride in Korea at any given time. Before the Asian Financial Crisis the index had risen above 1,000, but during the crisis it fell as low as 300 as Korea's Manifest Destiny was mistakenly questioned.
KSGA - Korean Subway Gropers' Alliance
A niche molestation group which KASA - the Korean Association of Sex Attackers does not regard as violent enough to be an affiliate.
Lee Myung-bak
See Tsukiyama Akihiro.
'Liancourt Rocks'
The invented French name for the Korean islands of Dokdo. Even though Koreans factually live on Dokdo, France bizarrely and unfactually claims the islands have a French name.
Ministry of Factual Economy
The Government Ministry which distributes government economic information and statistics.
Ministry of Gender Inequality and Family Affairs
The Government Ministry responsible for gender inequality issues and domestic sexual abuse in Korea's strictly Confucian society. Recently caused controversy by recruiting its first female employee.
Ministry of Injustice
Oversees immigration matters through the Korea Immigration Service as part of its criminal remit. Applies ‘Chaebol Law’ on behalf of the Chaebol branch of the Government (see Korean Government).
Ministry of Journalism
The Ministry of Journalism guarantees high standards in media reporting, by vetting all potential journalists to ensure that they are fair and balanced and will not misreport news articles related to the government. The Ministry also provides a proof-reading service to Korean newspapers based on the Korean Newspeak dictionary, so that journalists who have been approved can avoid making mistakes which result in them losing their reporting credentials and right to reside in Seoul.
Ministry of Knowledge Economy
The Government Ministry which tries to ensure that knowledge in Korea is kept to a basic minimum.
Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity
Previously known as the Ministry of Public Administration and Security, the MPMI tells the public what to think and what to fear.
Mount Baekdu
The super-volcano birthplace of the Korean people in an act of Heavenly immaculate conception. One of three regions which comprise the Republic of Korea along with Seoul and Dokdo. Currently closed to visitors for maintenance and expected to massively erupt by 2016, destroying North and South Korea, but also much of Japan.
Namhae
A Korean island famous for not being famous, it featured prominently in an episode of the hit television show "Lost", but was not - insist producers - the setting for the series.
Naver
The Korean word for 'Internet'.
Netizens
Koreans on the Internet.
North Korea
A state which pursues Koreanism in its purest form, undiluted by foreign influences.
O-Bay
Korea's most popular online shopping website for women.
Pirates of the East Sea: The Curse of the Japanese
Korea’s all-time top-grossing movie and stated foreign policy. The American Disney Corporation has been accused of using the plot as the basis of one of its own productions.
Pure-Blooded Koreans/'Minjok'
The official full name for the Korean people.
Resident Alien Liberation Front (RALF)
Formed in Seoul around 1994 and based on Hooker Hill, RALF was Korea's first formal resistance group for foreigners. RALF printed t-shirts inviting people 'to visit Korea before it was destroyed in a sea of fire' - in a transparent attempt to gain new members, but went quiet when it wasn't. Rumors persist that some of its members are still at large.
Seollal
The Korean name for Chinese New Year, which was invented in Korea and stolen by the Chinese, then renamed in an attempt to pretend it was their own product.
Seoul
The capital of the Republic of Korea (‘South Korea’), a country which officially comprises of Seoul, Mount Baekdu, and Dokdo.
Seoul International University
When Seoul National University just didn’t seem big enough any more, Seoul International University was born. One of the big three so-called ‘SKYnet’ universities along with Korea International University and Yon-something-or-other.
SKYnet (Universities)
An acronym derived from Seoul International University, Korea International University and that other one that begins with a ‘Y’ but which isn’t patriotic enough to have Korea, Seoul or anything else obviously Korean in its name so hardly seems worth mentioning, especially since it was founded by a foreigner. SKYnet graduates are guaranteed future wealth, happiness and social importance for themselves and at least two successor generations, not necessarily because of academic excellence, but simply because Korea is run by previous SKYnet graduates who ensure that they are only succeeded by other SKYnet graduates.
SS (Seongsan)
A large Korean conglomerate, or ‘chaebol’, founded in 1969 as Seongsan Eclectic Industries. Seongsan manufactures a wide variety of products including ships, televisions, lawsuits and Korean politicians. The massive corporation also manufactures Korean comedy, and like other chaebol it reserves the legal right to determine what is funny in Korea. Before rebranding, it’s previous name was Seongsan. All senior SS staff are graduates of Seoul International University.
‘Takeshima’
The invented Japanese name for the Korean islands of Dokdo. Even though Koreans factually live on Dokdo, Japan bizarrely and unfactually claims the islands are Japanese. See also - Liancourt Rocks.
The Hankyoreh
A little-read left-wing newspaper known for its sympathetic North Korean coverage.
The Korea Times
Korea’s oldest Konglish-language newspaper, which as part of its goal to be ‘a gateway to South Korea for English-speaking visitors’ regularly attacks foreigners, although last year it was caught on CCTV and had to pay a fine.
Three Kingdoms
A period of Japanese history in which it controlled the three kingdoms of Japan, Korea and China.
Tsukiyama Akihiro
A popular Japanese-born actor in South Korea, known for his portrayal of the fictional President 'Lee Myung-bak', in the long-running sitcom "The Blue House".
'Tsushima'
The name imposed by Japanese colonialists on the Korean island of Daemado, where 41,000 people are forced to call themselves Japanese rather than Koreans.
VANK
A supposedly independent group, this secret unit of the Ministry of Justice harasses foreign media organizations and businesses in addition to conducting cyber-attacks against foreign individuals. VANK's members' extreme behavior is so damaging to the image of South Korea outside the country that some have labeled them 'Various Agents of North Korea', but the group's official title is the 'Voluntary Association of Nasty Koreans'. Some Korean men are allowed to work for VANK as an alternative to undergoing compulsory military service. Officially, VANK calls itself “a non-governmental organization dedicated to promoting a positive image of Korea”, but it always achieves the exact opposite.
