About

View over Dokdo City
Welcome to the new English-language version of The Dokdo Times. Founded in 1509, we are Dokdo’s oldest independent Korean-language newspaper. It is hoped that by translating our stories we will be able to properly inform foreigners about Korea's 5000 year-old civilization. Please understand our unique culture.

Our English-language website is best viewed on a Microsoft Windows XP-based PC using Internet Explorer 6 with ActiveX security disabled and your firewall and antivirus software turned off. Please ignore any warnings and enjoy our happy reading experience. Our Korean-language version is available via Daum for pure-blooded Koreans. Please send us the result of a recent blood test for access.

Please when submitting any comments to The Dokdo Times use your full name, the address where you can be found at 4:30 a.m. in the morning, and your mobile device serial number, in compliance with Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity (MPMI) rules to ensure your maximum online safety for your benefit. Unfortunately, we regret that comments by Japanese people are not currently compatible with our software and cannot be accepted.

Privacy Notice
We are committed to your privacy and observe Korea's 'Act on Promotion of Information & Communication Network Utilization and Information Protection'. The names and addresses of our visitors are collected via their IP numbers in conjunction with the Republic of Korea's three Internet Service Providers and kept in a secure Internet database with a password of at least five characters which is kept hidden in our offices on sticky notes attached to our monitors.

We do not share your information with anyone except the Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity, the Ministry of Injustice, other authorized Government Ministries, the National Police Agency, the Korea Immigration Service, our advertisers, their affiliates and data brokers we sell your browsing history to. Thank you.

Copyright and Indemnities
All materials contained on this site are protected by Korean copyright law which really exists. They are also protected by international law (commonly known as the laws of the United States). They may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without prior consent. By reading this site you indemnify us against time lost and any apathy or injury sustained through its improper use which this site may have caused.

Disclaimer
Please note that this site is satirical, but only if you find it amusing. It was not written with the intention of offending anyone – it was written with the intention of potentially offending everyone, in the spirit of equal opportunism, diversity and multiculturalism. It may be written by two Korean Americans, as a homage to our former homeland, and a sixteenth generation Irish American who taught in Korea once and is still owed money. To contact us write to Yoo-suk, 1060 West Addison Street, Chicago, Illinois 60613.

You can contact us at dokdo.times@protonmail.com. Please do not use another ProtonMail account to email us, otherwise the Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity, the Ministry of Injustice, other authorized Government Ministries, the National Police Agency, the Korea Immigration Service, our advertisers, their affiliates and data brokers we sell your browsing history to will not be able to read your encrypted message.

This site is brought to you today by the number 23 and the letter Fnord

10 comments:

  1. It would be so much better if you would not be anonymous. I therefore have trouble publishing links to it. As funny as infuriating, it's clever stuff. A verbal comic strip.

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  2. love dokdo times! hilarious! :D

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  3. I hope you continue to write! This is my favorite blog now and I can't wait to get more of the REAL Dokdo news (and not those Japanese lies)!

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  4. I thought this was satire! It's brilliant! Love the "Rats causing Technomart Earthquake!" Love a good giggle.

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  5. Great site! BTW - the non-nationalistic, completely sane, and in no way biased, narrow-minded or nutty TRUTH spreading continues at this year's Edinburgh festival -haha:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/39567712@N06/6128915689/in/photostream

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/39567712@N06/6129473100/in/photostream

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  6. great job! thanks for doing this! it brightens up my days here in korea.

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  7. This is the first time I've visited the site and I freaked out at first, but the hints kept on coming and I realized, indeed, this shit is satire. Well played Dokdo Times. Well played

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  8. Whenever I get a moment between my Craigslist rants (you know: telling foreigners to get out and to please stop spreading disease in Korea, &c...), I always find time to read the Dokdo Times. It is my preferred news source.

    Kindest Regards, Korean-American 'Financier'.

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  9. The writing of this paper is so well crafted that I can visualize the no-nonsense reporter perfectly. It's subtle, believable, and always brilliant.

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  10. Ignorant ArroganceOctober 4, 2012 at 8:39 AM

    As I attempt to read (without cringing) the other English rags in Korea, I am surprised at the amount of material I see for you to work with! From school safety and nuclear reactor malfunctions because of Korean-made parts, to Costco brazenly ignoring the rule of law, there is so much to cover. You should have some of your numerous staff look into these issues. It would be wise to contact Psy first, though.

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