Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Lonely Koreans Hire Dates

The practice of hiring dates is gaining popularity among Koreans as people find personal interactions increasingly difficult during their busy lives.

Spring can be a bittersweet season for some Korean singles who see couples and their phones chirping under cherry blossoms. Many Koreans - especially that single friend of yours - believe that being alone is something to be ashamed of, when they aren't necessarily alone because of their personality, although in your friend's case, it probably is.

For Park, the president of a large organization in Seoul, spring is just another reminder of her loneliness. She posted a message on the Korean social networking site Facebok, saying she would like to hire a "fake boyfriend" for one day so she could go out and look at the flowers with someone.

The required activities would include not taking any photos and having dinner privately together. Another condition, she added, was to hold hands. Around 20 men and women responded to Park's message, and she picked one of them to spend the day with her. Sadly, she had to cut short the date and rush back to her office due to a crisis.

In another case, a female college student, Kim 25, said she would pay the minimum wage of 6,030 won per hour for someone to act as her boyfriend for a day, as she is too busy to have a boyfriend due to her studies and minimum wage job in a well-known bakery chain with an active legal department. Other offers similar to Kim's can easily be found on social networks, though it can be difficult to be chosen.

Experts say this new phenomena is becoming common among the young as they are increasingly unaccustomed to making new friends, and getting into romantic relationships and making new enemies.

Professor Noh (57), of Korea International University, said "children these days depend too much on their parents", and they should not try to call him again. He also added that "there is a widespread belief that one has to have money in order to be in a relationship, which is not untrue."

Related Links
Lonely young Koreans hire dates
Stolen Korean Idea Facebook Floats
Facebook and Facebok Ten Years On
South Korea Elects First Robot President
Japan reporter denies libelling S Korea's Park Geun-hye

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Ancient Korean food comes to life in Japan after 13 centuries

Everybody knows about the stuff
The importance of following proper storage procedures for Korean food was highlighted today after an ancient Korean dish from 13 centuries ago suddenly came back to life and tried to eat nearby diners.

After the ancient Korean food came back to life, the Japanese hosts sighed and said "oh no, not again!". There has been speculation that if we knew why the Japanese had thought 'oh no, not again!" as the ancient Korean food lunged towards them, we would know a good deal more about the dubious nature of the Japanese than we do now. What is known, is that Japanese often sigh between Korean dishes.

It is believed the ancient delicacies were originally presented to Japan in the hope of forging a lasting harmony between the two neighboring countries. The Japanese failure to eat the dish is therefore the cause of 1,300 years of trouble caused by the Japanese against Korea. The existence of the ancient Korean food proves that Japan's rude and uncivilized behavior dates back further than previously thought.

The ancient Korean food which escaped today was originally taken to Japan - which was then called East Korea - as part of the migration of Yakwang, the prince of Goguryeo Dynasty (37 B.C. to 668 A.D.) and his followers.

The descendants of Yakwang, who now call themselves Japanese, have been told that while they should not approach the any ancient Korean food which comes back to life - especially after 13 centuries - it should be relatively harmless as it is only likely to attack non-Koreans.

The ancient Korean food, which is being called "The Stuff", was last seen heading towards Tokyo. Scientists believe it is a living, parasitic, and possibly sentient organism that gradually takes over the brain, mutating those who eat it into bizarre zombie-like creatures, before consuming them from the inside and leaving them empty shells of their former selves, a medical condition Korean doctors refer to as "Hagwon".

Japanese Self-Defense Forces are expected to attempt to engage the Korean food within the next few hours in order to prevent it reaching open water and turning it into a guk.

Related Links
Ancient Korean food comes to life in Japan after 13 centuries
The Stuff

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Whining foreigners, racism and in-between

Fools die
Some things should be best left unsaid, but as journalists we usually go the other way. Our recent aditorial "Ugly Foreigners" two weeks ago opened up a can of worms which can be easily fought with Kim's Anti-Foreign Worm Cream (Please see disclaimers - may cause drowsiness, excessive localized hair growth, and piercing screaming episodes).

For some reason the issue of racism spilt over inadvertently after our "Ugly foreigners" editorial. Why do foreign troublemakers want to cause trouble in Korea by whining and crying racism every time someone says foreigners are ugly and rapists? Perhaps because they are racist.

Our aditorial concerned angry foreign road rage drivers. Some ugly foreigners seem to think that when foreign non-citizens do something wrong we print it, whereas if a Korean citizen did the same thing it would not be printed. It is of course, completely untrue that we don't racially bias our stories. An "ugly foreigner" story is good for circulation, whereas an "ugly Korean" story is not. Without good circulation we might die, and we are sure ugly foreigners do not want us to die, otherwise what kind of guest would you be? Maybe the kind of guest who should leave Korea immediately.

Many foreign troublemakers sent us their whining responses. We tried to accommodate these responses here as much as possible within our space constraints (if any edition of the Dokdo Times becomes too full it can make mobile devices too heavy to pick up when our newspaper is loaded on them). Some of the whiny responses we received have been edited, especially where this makes them look silly. A pure-blooded Korean patriot also wrote to us supporting our position against ugly foreigners, and we are printing his letter too.

We are continuing our coverage of this issue to encourage members of our society - and foreigners - to speak about it, rather than pigeonholing their doubts, misunderstandings, suspicions, paranoia, sexual deviancy, fnord and criminal tendencies in their emotional compartment to the point they become dangerous separatists.

Historically, there have been many cases of foreign racism gone wild in Korea and we need to learn from this. Perhaps these foreigners are responsible for what is happening in the Middle East. Historically, most racially-motivated wars and massacres in the world have been caused by foreigners, not by Koreans. This is fact.

We do not believe our society is a perfect utopia, although obviously we mention this word because we actually think it is quite close. We hope that by engaging in honest and civilized dialog now, perhaps we can keep your difference from us turning into racial hatred and you can walk away before things get as ugly as an ugly foreigner. Seriously, walk away, now.

Whatever these ugly foreigners say, we note that there are many times more people in the so-called silent majority on this issue, and everyone knows that the majority in Korea is Koreans, not foreigners, and as Koreans they agree with me and what I write. We invite the silent majority to write to foreignersdie@dokdotimes.con to support me.

Readers' letter: Foreign troublemakers
Dear Sir,

Koreans are way too lenient to foreigners. The foreigners' mentality is that they can get away with anything because the law is too lenient and they abuse drugs in South Korea. I once watched news about a fight in Itaewon where a policeman was trying to stop them but failed. Maybe these foreigners are controlling and weakening our police as part of an international Jewish conspiracy.

What makes these foreigners think that Koreans are being racist when they are the ones who break the law in this country, not Koreans, who never break Korean laws. Foreigners are destroying this country and plan to take over the world. Korea must stop the foreign Jew trying to take over the world.

As a university student, what shocked me the most was that most foreign professors can't speak Korean, the world's most scientific and easy to learn language, when they've been here for more than four years, which is only how long it took me to learn Korean, despite being a baby. Why don't they think about how rewarding it would be to learn to speak Korean so they can talk properly to people like me? By refusing to learn Korean they are denying themselves the opportunity to know me when there is clearly much they can learn from me and other pure-blooded Koreans like me. I interrogated my professors why they don't learn Korean, and called campus security, but the security people wouldn't arrest them, probably because they are communists. The foreign communist infiltrator influence is everywhere.

I once went to a convenience store where an owner told me that she was worried about a foreign professor who drinks a lot. Why are these foreign professors drinking a lot in Korea? Why do so many of them seem to drink a lot after classes with me? Why are Korean doctors working in convenience stores when foreign Jew professors are teaching in universities?

I've been abroad and foreigners aren't nice.

L.A. Kim

Related Links
Whining, racism and in-between (II)
Whining, racism and in-between
Ugly Foreigners
The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners
Do Koreans Look Good in Nazi Uniforms?

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.