Alien Invasion 2012: Korea Times Posts First Alien Photo

Korean parody site The Korea Times has posted the first photo of the aliens which it says will reach Earth in December 2012, attracting a large number of Internet users at home and abroad.

The alien, which appears to be posing for the camera, has a human body with an octopus-like head, causing The Korea Times to liken it to the “Cthulhu monster”, which frequently appears in Korean seafood restaurants.

The report says that some believe it resembles Dr. Zoidberg from the popular Korean cartoon “Futurama”, while others insist that it is a half beast man which stars in the film “Pirates of the Caribbean”, a Disney copy of Korea’s highest-ever grossing movie “Pirates of the East Sea: The Curse of the Japanese”.

The Korea Times considers itself the gateway to Korea for foreigners, so it often viciously attacks them, although last year it was caught on CCTV and had to pay a fine, raising hopes that they may become more tolerant towards non-Koreans. However, in its article, the newspaper refers to the alien as a “monster”, suggesting that if anything its xenophobic editorial policy was becoming even more hardline. While The Korea Times site is clearly meant to be a joke, many South Koreans see it as a serious organization, and continue to get their news from it.

Despite the negative editorial spin, many Koreans welcomed the publishing of the photo, and were not afraid by it. 32-year-old Kim from Seoul, who saw the picture in the newspaper, said “I’ve always really liked eating octopus so I’m looking forward to the aliens’ arrival.” 20-year-old Kim, an English major at Seoul International University who heard about the story from watching the Fox News channel on Korean cable television and one day wants to work for the station, told us that the whole point of human rights is that the aliens don’t have them, potentially clearing the way for alien octopus heads to be served in local restaurants.

However, Kim is likely to be disappointed. Investigations by The Dokdo Times have revealed the picture to be a scene taken from the forthcoming Korean remake of Friends, with the character nicknamed 'Choey' – a Busan man known for his womanizing – wearing an octopus on his head rather than a turkey, as depicted in the American original.

Related Links
Korea Times - Is this an alien or octopus?
Another Year...Another Korea Times Article
Wikipedia - Cthulhu
Wikipedia - Rough Draft Korea

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Panic As Korea Times Reports Alien Spaceships Heading for Earth

War of the Worlds?

Korean parody site The Korea Times caused panic over the New Year period when it ran a report – citing former Soviet mouthpiece Pravda - revealing that researchers have identified three giant objects heading for Earth. The objects, which it described as “probably outer spaceships”, were up to 240 kilometers in diameter SETI scientists were quoted as saying.

SETI – the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence – was founded following widespread concerns that globally – with the exception of non-Hankyoreh reading Koreans – the human race was becoming dumber with each passing generation. Finally, having failed to find any additional intellectual capability elsewhere on Earth, SETI turned its search for extra intelligence to outer space.

With a Prime Minister who is frequently portrayed in Russia as ‘not of this world’, Pravda regularly runs alien-related stories which many in the global media community say are unbecoming of a serious news organization. However, in South Korea Pravda is a highly respected brand name which often lures unsuspecting journalists into repeating their claims verbatim.

Not realizing that the Korea Times article was probably part of an adaptation of the Orson Welles drama The War of the Worlds, some Korean citizens fled Seoul while others jammed police switchboards with reports of lights in the sky and smells like “poison gas”. Police later attributed the lights to a particularly large number of drunk people during the New Year festivities becoming terrified by street lamps, and the smell was initially said to be caused by swamp gas although further investigation revealed it to be kimchi-related. A police spokesman pointed out that The Korea Times had said the spaceships were still beyond the orbit of Pluto, and were not expected to pass by Earth until mid-December 2012, so there was no immediate need to panic.

While The Korea Times did not attribute an intent to the visitation, The Korea Herald ran the headline “3 giant spaceships will attack Earth in 2012: researchers”. It is not known how they came by the information that the aliens are hostile.

The left-wing Hankyoreh newspaper said that the alien threat was the fault of President Lee Myung-bak’s policies. In an editorial it wrote that “It is important to engage the aliens in constructive dialog while offering food and monetary aid, rather than repeating unhelpful ultra-hardline rhetoric.” The newspaper has been consistently critical of the President’s decision to hold military drills so close – in astronomical terms – to the Martian Limit Line. But it again denied alien involvement in the sinking of a South Korean navy vessel last year, which it continues to describe as the “Cheonan Warship Mystery” in a graphic on its homepage. Right-wing media groups have poured scorn on the newspaper however, pointing out that the people who vanished in South Korea between the 1950s and 1980s were clearly cases of alien abduction. Incredibly, The Hankyoreh has tried to blame South Korea’s own government of the period for the disappeared citizens.

The Government’s increasingly harsh policies on illegal aliens make it unlikely that the occupants of the giant spaceships will be welcome in South Korea, but in the event that aliens land here a plan has already been drawn up to house them in a special district in Ulsan. Another plan is being drawn up in case a military response is required, although it will not be ready until 2014. However, on their current trajectory, like the occupants of the original Orson Welles drama, the aliens are forecast to land in New Jersey. Despite the length of their journey, it is expected they will return home shortly afterwards.

Related Links
3 outer spaceships approaching Earth - Korea Times
3 giant spaceships will attack Earth in 2012 - Korea Herald
Google Pravda Aliens
More stunning flaws in Cheonan evidence
Misguided Jersey jokes only strengthen Jerseyans

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Japan Begins 'Hate Korea Year 2011'

"Daemado is our territory"

Japan, which lost control of Korea in 1945 and now regards the country as a rogue state, held lavish celebrations today to mark the beginning of ‘Hate Korea Year 2011’. The East Sea Pirate State, which still illegally occupies the Korean island of Daemado, even though it is rightfully Korean, and claims the island of Dokdo, even though it is factually Korean, intends to run a series of events through the year “highlighting Korea’s inferiority and duplicity.”

With a rapidly declining population - which has resulted in fewer people owning driving licenses - Japan’s anti-Korea campaign has had to switch from its use of traditional black vans - known as ‘gaisensha’ - which freely broadcast hate-speech on the streets of Japanese cities, to more modern and innovative methods. Key to this has been the launch of the ‘Hate Korea’ campaign on social network site Twitter. The Government hopes that by embracing technology, it will be able to reach out to a new audience, possibly even outside Japan.

As part of the plan, Japanese citizens are being encouraged to share their hatred of all things Korean under a so-called ‘hate_korea hashtag’. But people are being asked to add the ‘hashtag’ to all their Twitter messages – no matter what the subject, in the hope of making it a trending topic on Twitter during 2011 - raising awareness of the anti-Korean Wave which has already found success over the last few months, particularly in China and Taiwan. However, this has not been enough to stop the newly created ‘Korean Wave Index’ moving steadily higher on the Korean Stock Market, where it is traded.

Despite the animosity, as it’s closest neighbor Japan still leaves the keys to the country with Korea when it goes on holiday, but recently there has been growing disquiet in Tokyo political circles over what is increasingly seen as a cultural annexation of the country by Korean drama, popular music and makgeolli, a native-Korean rice wine that has incapacitated a significant number of Japan’s dwindling population. This three-pronged strategy has respectively neutralized Japanese housewives, young people, and older male office workers, leaving Japan with no effective cultural defense. Many believe it is already too late to resist the Korean cultural invasion, and the initial take-up of the ‘hate_korea’ hashtag has been slow – with neither of the country’s teenagers using it so far.

The ‘Korean Wave’ - or ‘hallyu’ as it is known, was inspired by a generation of Seoul bureaucrats who spent their spare time in university playing the PC computer game ‘Civilization’. As this ‘C-Generation’ took over from the earlier ‘386 Generation’ and began to direct foreign policy in Korea, they quickly realized that contrary to previous thinking Korea was unlikely to win a military victory against the rest of the world, and utilizing what they learned from Civilization, they began to focus Korean strategy on achieving a cultural victory instead. The new strategy appears to be achieving results in Japan, which until recently was trying to win an economic victory - a plan which initially showed promise but then stagnated several turns ago.

While Japan flounders in the face of Korea’s unique and superior culture, the progress of the Korean Wave has been slower in China, which appears to be successfully pursuing a military victory strategy.

Related Links
Twitter #hate_korea
Korean culture 'invades' Japan, a century after annexation
Hallyu faces turning point
Anti-Korean Wave Sweeps Taiwan
Uyoku dantai
Civilization

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