New Korean Government Symbol is Whale Chasing Its Own Tail

The government has unveiled a new unified symbol which it is hoped will establish a permanent brand image in the minds of its subjects, while reducing the cost of keeping cartoonists on regular retainers to change the logos of 51 government agencies every two years.

The new logo depicts a blue whale in an ever-decreasing circle trying to chase its tail, which appears to be bleeding from the effort. There is general consensus among everyone connected with the government that the image of the struggling 170 tonne animal it is deeply symbolic of their daily experiences. The Japanese also hunted the blue whale to near extinction in the early part of the last century, just like the Korean people, making it an appropriate symbol to unify the country.

Reacting to the new logo, people on the streets of Seoul who we would have interviewed today if the air quality was better appeared to agree, "It looks like a whale swimming in a circle", said a 24-year-old bank worker named Kim.

The Defense Ministry and National Police Agency have opted out of the blue whale logo, and will retain their old symbols, as it is felt that if they are associated with confusion and inaction any further it may only embolden South Korea's enemies.

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Korea Under Threat - President Flees With 100 Business Executives

As the clock ticks towards the deadline set in Pyongyang's ultimatum and its promise to reduce The Blue House to ashes in a sea of fire unless President Park Geun-hye apologizes for betraying the Korean people, the president has announced a trip to Washington and Mexico City, which is scheduled for eight days or 24,110 years, depending on how the situation with North Korea and Seoul develops.

Officially The Blue House says the president is leaving Seoul to attend a nuclear security summit in Washington, and then later post-summit security discussions which have to be held in Mexico City due to the lack of available conference rooms to book in Washington. Experts agree that the best way to ensure your security during a nuclear event is to be as far away from it as possible, and have applauded the president's educational efforts.

100 lucky business executives - the largest ever delegation - will also leave the threatened capital with the president, in an apparent effort to forge new opportunities to store their wealth somewhere where it will not be vaporized. In 2010, only a dozen business executives traveled with then-President Lee Myung-bak, but Seoul was thought less likely to be subjected to a nuclear attack at the time.

The South Korean military has say it is ready to deal with the expected attack by North Korea during the president's absence. As tensions heightened, Park has called for military readiness and extended stays overseas for important people.

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Ugly Foreigners

A video from a car's black box camera that went viral in Korea over the weekend showed an ugly Italian man stopping his car in the middle of the road, shaking his fist at the Korean female driver, and swearing like an Italian.

The man - whose family name is believed to be Vaffanculo - was outraged when the female driver honked at him as he cut into a line of traffic on the Olympic Expressway near the Seongsu Bridge around 3 p.m. Sunday. When police arrived they booked him for a sudden change of lanes, which despite what everyone believes, is actually against the law in Korea, even in Busan. The man is a currently a resident of Korea and prosecutors are recommending an indictment to ensure he won't remain one.

The Italian Consulate said that it notes the incident but requested that Koreans "please understand our unique culture".

In another case last week, an ugly Saudi Arabian - who is here for 'language training' - was suspected of repeatedly braking in front of another vehicle that he claims didn't yield the right of way. In a third case on another day, an ugly Taiwanese national started braking when the car behind him flashed its lights and honked at him while its driver was reading his phone messages. In a fourth case, an ugly American pulled his tank out in front of a Korean driver at a junction, claiming he needed to get to the front line as soon as possible. In a fifth case, an ugly English man called Mr. Hyde blocked a Korean rickshaw with his horse.

In each case these ugly foreigners claimed they didn't know what they were doing was a crime, even though the law has changed recently and it is now. Instead they claimed that everyone else on the roads was behaving in the same way. This is evidently not true because some other ugly foreigners are not doing this, especially the ones without cars.

Gangnam police said that "many" reported 'road rages' involved ugly foreigners, and while it is true that these five cases do not necessarily represent the ugly foreign community which has now alarmingly reached 1.8 million in Korea, it may. There is also evidence that innocent Korean drivers are being affected by these ugly foreigners - in 2013 1,600 cases of retaliatory driving were reported to the police, involving car chases, klaxons, beam lighting and verbal and visual abuse. 35 Koreans were killed during these incidents.

Police should personally speak to all ugly foreigners to remind them that the actions of the five ugly foreigners above will be presumed to represent them.

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