The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners

MBC, the Korean Culture Broadcasting Corporation, has broadcast a program revealing the shocking reality for unfortunate Korean women who have relationships with foreigners under the title "The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners".

The program focuses on a number of women who have had bad experiences with these shocking foreigners. In one interview, one woman who was conned into sleeping with a foreigner says she became pregnant, contracted HIV and even had to start drinking at unbranded coffee shops.

There is no doubt that the morals of foreigners living in Korea has become a social issue. In one area of Seoul mixed couples can be found walking all over the streets with daring intimacy. There are so many it can even be hard to get through them quickly to the nearby Korean massage parlors and hostess bars. But are these couples' relationships based upon trust or just curiosity? What makes Korean women open their 'mind' so easily to foreign men, and when did these Korean women develop minds to begin with anyway, despite the best efforts of Korean society?

According to MBC, some Korean women are trying to date with foreign men frequently to use them to learn English, but it is believed that foreign men are not trying to use Korean women to learn English, but instead have another, perhaps manipulative motive. Foreign men also make bad comments about these women and then other innocent Korean women suffer a lot from that. Statistics from the Ministry of Health showed that last week alone over 200 women who aren't dating foreigners were admitted to hospital with bruising and facial lacerations all because of the hurtful bad comments these foreigners made.

In a bar that is popular with Korean women, program makers witnessed many mixed couples being physically affectionate, making onlookers uncomfortable with their 'skinship'. The scenes were said to resemble the kind of compromising physical intimacy in films the program makers regularly watch alone at night. Outside the bar, a Korean woman is shown trying to catch a cab, but a foreign man approaches and they start talking. The police quickly arrive after the program makers phone them, but they say they are powerless to intervene because of Korea's extremely liberal laws regarding the existence of foreigners. The foreign man then uses a Jedi mind-trick on the woman, and soon they are in a romantic mood together like an old couple. When he has finished with her, he will wipe her small mind and she will return to the bar again tomorrow, to unwittingly repeat the experience with another foreigner.

It can be dangerous. Apparently one woman who slept with a foreigner later went to a hospital, and don't be shocked - there was something wrong with her blood. Somehow, after mixing with the foreigner, she was no-longer pure-blooded.

But as the program highlights, the problem is that there is no place for these so-called 'kisaeng' women who are victims of foreigners to appeal to, except MBC. In an attempt to reach out to victims of foreigners, a member of the program's production team tried to contact one of them, telling the woman "We called because we heard you were the victim of a foreigner." But suffering from the shame of whoring her body out to be defiled by these non-pure blooded foreign criminals, she refused to talk about her experiences, saying that she didn't know what MBC were talking about, before even going on to lie that MBC's allegations weren't true. "Most of the victims avoid telling the truth" observed the program sadly.

The foreigners who were dating Korean female victims disappeared without a trace directly after their dating ended, so Korean female victims have to deal with all of the damages and remaining loss. Where did they go? Why are foreigners coming to Korea, and then disappearing afterward? Why do these mysterious disappearances always seem to coincide with the academic year? Only the foreigners know the answers, but they aren't talking. At least, not in Korean.

"The foreign population in Korea will be increasing now and forever" warned one expert on the program, "I think we should think critically about foreigners and keep thinking about this problem. Korean society should consider this problem too."

There is widespread agreement in Korean that it is time we learned to form proper and wholesome relationships with the opposite sex. Sex, and marriage, is meant to be between a Korean and a Korean – not a Korean and a foreigner, which is clearly unnatural.

Despite MBC's selfless act of public service in warning Korean women about the shocking reality of relationships with foreigners, the exploitative foreigners - fearful of losing their supply of vulnerable Korean women - have hit back, incredibly calling the program 'racist', as if pointing out the fact that these dubious foreigners in Korea came here to to sexually exploit and rape women is somehow wrong just because of the color of their non-pure skin and their non-pure blood beneath it.

In a Facebook group that alarmingly gained over 500 members in less than four hours, they are now asking how they can launch action against the program makers. But these questionable foreigners appear to be unwittingly helping promote Korean culture. Thanks to them, the Korean Culture Broadcasting Corporation's program has gone viral on the Internet, helping to spread the Korean Wave and warn people around the world about the shocking reality of foreigners. Despite the service they have done for Korean culture, MBC modestly announced that the documentary was outsourced, not produced in-house. "We only broadcast it, it's nothing to do with us." said a spokesman.

It is clear to any sensible person in Korea though that the program makers are not racist, they are merely pointing out the inferior morality of foreigners and their dubious criminal nature, which they are keen to stress they understand is genetic and not necessarily the fault of these foreign criminals. MBC also points out that while "The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners" was quite hard-hitting, next week's program promises to be much lighter and entertaining, as it will feature foreigners being dunked into the Han River to see whether they sink or whether they are witches.



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Seoul Zombie Outbreak Goes Unnoticed for Two Weeks

A massive zombie outbreak in Seoul has gone unnoticed for two weeks after members of the newly undead kept mindlessly going to work, surfing the Internet and drinking in bars.

Authorities say the zombie outbreak could have escaped attention for even longer but the recent warm weather set off biological sensors at several government buildings when the heady mix of alcohol, tobacco and kimchi could no longer mask the odor of decomposing flesh.

It is believed that the entire staff of Chosun Ilbo succumbed to the zombie apocalypse. Some readers noted that the content of the newspaper had actually improved during recent days.

The origin of the outbreak is uncertain, but the authorities now believe it may have claimed its first victims several months ago with the National Election Commission blaming an election day cyber attack in December on fifteen hundred zombie PCs. The timing of the initial outbreak also appears to coincide with an increase in immigration during the period.

However, foreigners appear to have been unaffected by the outbreak. Scientists are unsure whether this is because they are simply carriers, or whether it is because even in their zombified state, Koreans are still aware that - as is constantly suggested by Korea's three major newspapers and the nation's politicians - foreigners probably have AIDS and other dangerous diseases and should be kept at arm's length.

With the birthrate falling, there are fears that if the outbreak goes unchecked Korea's 'tigerish national virility' will be sapped as its cool, high-tech and energetic population morphs into a nation of geriatric zombies.

Economists have said that the zombie outbreak has also highlighted the problem of tax avoidance in Korea. Being legally dead, the zombies were no longer subject to taxation, but since most of them were avoiding paying tax while they were still living, this failed to act as an early warning that their existential status had changed. The government is considering passing a law requiring the living dead to register at their local district office within three weeks of their new status taking effect.

Government ministers are split on how to tackle the outbreak. An initial plan to sell 'Korean Zombie' t-shirts around the world as part of the 'Korean Wave' has been very successful, but in the longer-term scientists believe they may be able to stem the outbreak through the use of stem cells, and some lawmakers favor turning Korea into a 'zombie tourism hub' where the victims of future foreign zombie outbreaks can come to get medical treatment. But Korea's largest corporations, or 'chaebol', are opposed to any attempt to reverse the process as they say productivity has risen since the outbreak began.

While roadblocks have been set up around the Gangnam area of Seoul - with cars entering the exclusive district being sprayed with disinfectant kimchi-juice - the military have argued that they do not have the resources to oversee any mass vaccination campaign, instead favoring a 'holding action' which would protect men and women over 30. KASA - the Korean Association of Sex Attackers – are campaigning for only men to be vaccinated.

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Buddhist Order Sees Applications Jump After Gambling and Sex Scandals

The Dokdo Times has learned that Korea's Buddhist Jogye Order has seen applications to join from prospective monks jump 800% since it was accused of gambling, prostitution, violence, rape, animal cruelty, political power-broking, fraud and embezzlement. Before the leak of an unfinished private recruitment video recently, it was generally assumed the Order's monks lived a life of unemployment, poverty and narcissism, only two of which are attractive to younger Koreans.

It is generally accepted that Buddhism has suffered from poor marketing in recent years. Monks regularly drink wine and smoke cigarettes, but refer to these activities as 'drinking grain tea' and 'burning incense'. Some monks burn incense up to 40 times a day but prospective recruits wrongly assume they will have to give up worldly pleasures such as burning incense themselves if they join a Buddhist order. In their defense, the monks say that they have achieved too high a level of spiritual enlightenment to be bound by such petty taboos.

Controversy was stirred however when a 13-hour video clip leaked recently showed several Jogye Order monks gambling with hundreds of millions of won while playing poker in a hotel. The Order has an annual budget of 30 billion won ($25 million) from its tax-free no-questions-asked income, but it was generally assumed to have been spent on maintaining religious temples, not individual monks' hands in card games. But one senior monk, the Venerable Jeongyeom explained the practice, saying that "Playing cards is a recreational culture that is good at preventing dementia." It is believed that by adding high-stakes betting to the game, dementia is more likely to be prevented. Medical researchers are said to be intrigued by the monks' findings.

Generally, Buddhist orders have tried not to disclose their financial hands within Korea in the past. With over 30 billion won in revenue and 10 million followers the Jogye Order has been referred to as Korea's hidden chaebol, but monks are said to be worried about being seen as a large business out of fear that the government may order them to close on the second and fourth Sunday of each month in order to allow mom-and-pop religions to gain customers. The gamble has largely paid off, with few questions being asked even after rival groups of monks and their hired thugs physically fought for control of the order and its riches in 1994, in what came to be known as the "Bloody Battle at Jogye Temple". The Ministry of Culture is now campaigning for the site of the battle on the street outside the temple to be recognized by UNESCO as a World Heritage location.

In addition to playing the dementia card, senior monks have also said that gambling - which they refer to as Hwatu not gambling - should be seen as a legitimate pastime for members of Buddhist orders, as it follows the teachings of the late Venerable Beopjeong - a respected Buddhist monk who taught that freedom and fulfillment can be attained through 'possessing nothing', a philosophy he outlined in a 1976 book of the same name. After his death two years ago, many Buddhists bought copies of his book gambling that it would go up in value, but the monks said that conversely they have been trying to possess nothing by gambling away their money on intangible things since gamblers are well-known for nearly always losing everything in the end.

As South Korea has become richer though monks have been finding it increasingly difficult to gamble away money as quickly as followers willingly donate it, or as shops reluctantly hand it over as part of Buddhist protection rackets. Some monks are believed to have moved into trading stocks and Equity-Linked Warrants (ELWs), and there are rumors that one Buddhist order has even mortgaged its temples to buy Facebook stock to try and get rid of everything they own – a plan that may yet prove successful.

To try and deflect some criticism over the gambling incident, the Joyge Order claimed in a press release that the monk who leaked the video had tried to rape a nun in 2004, and the head of the Jogye Order has promised that if their Hwatu activities have been misunderstood they will conduct a 108-bows ritual for 100 days starting next Tuesday, making a criminal prosecution for fraud or a government revocation of their tax-free status unnecessary.

However, other allegations are harder to defend. The monk who leaked the video also claimed that members of the Jogye Order were visiting expensive hostess bars and were even paying for sex there rather than being offered it for free like the police. Meanwhile, animal rights groups have been outraged by recent video footage apparently showing a Buddhist monk beating a 75 year-old man's dog to death with a blunt weapon, a number of embezzlement cases are ongoing, and monks continue to engage in violent power-struggles which even saw a member of one order allegedly try to burn down his temple two years ago.

While Christian priests in Korea have also been regularly accused of engaging in fraud, misappropriation of funds, and sexual assault, this has been a feature of the priesthood for so many hundreds of years most priests are now genuinely shocked to discover such behavior was never originally sanctioned by Jesus, only the Vatican. Christianity's open financial and moral corruption has seen it gain steadily in popularity within Korea over the last hundred years, as its message resonates more readily with modern Korean culture. Buddhist leaders are now gambling that the promotion of their morally-flexible beliefs will once again attract new members and arrest their religion's decline, especially in the area of animal cruelty which Christians have no position on despite its recent popularity in Korea.

Buddhists are also becoming more open about moving into politics to promote their desire to engage in the highest-stakes gamble of all, trusting North Korea's peaceful intentions. The Venerable Pomnyun said those without political affiliations should talk about politics more freely and passionately, before attacking President Lee Myung-bak and appearing to endorse Ahn Cheol-soo, who may run for president this year. Or may not. Or may. He proposed the setting up of a new political party for those who rejected the politics of political affiliations.

But despite all the scandals, political leaders of all religious beliefs have urged Koreans to remember that Buddhist monks can also be productive members of society, pointing to the case of the 58 year-old monk Hong who threatened to stab the Japanese Ambassador to death after being angered that Japan had approved textbooks questioning Korea's claim to Dokdo, rather than using Korean textbooks for the study of Japanese history.

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