Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Seoul Nuke Summit Ends in "Safer World"

"I can see Sarah Palin's house from here"
The Seoul International Nuclear Summit got under way on Monday as world leaders gathered together to talk about the evils of nuclear weapons and why they had to have them. President Obama wowed SINS delegates when he arrived with his special briefcase which is believed to have over 7,000 nuclear warheads within it, although he politely declined Chinese delegates' requests to peek at the world's original briefcase bomb to see if it matched their blueprints.

Before attending the SINS, President Obama visited the DMZ, and was pictured holding binoculars at an observation post as he stared across the heavily armed border, telling reporters "I think I can see Sarah Palin's house from here." In November 2010 Red Sarah said "we've got to stand with our North Korean allies", and it is thought she maintains a holiday home there. He added that staring into North Korea's wilderness enabled him to visualize his post-presidential career next year.

After he leaves office, there are hopes President Obama will choose to retire to South Korea. The Seoul International Nuclear Summit marks his third trip to this country - the first being part of a four-nation tour in November 2009, and the second being another four nation tour in November 2010. No other nation has been afforded the considerable honor of three visits by President Obama except France, and it is difficult to envisage him retiring there. Notably, Japan has only received two visits, one visit less than South Korea, making it likely that while diplomacy might not permit him from speaking publicly about the issue, President Obama favors Korea's claim over the Dokdo Islands.

Despite being encouraged to join in the SINS, the North Korean delegation failed to arrive. North Korean television said that it "would attend the Nuke Seoul event when it was ready". While satellite images suggest the Chinese proxy-state is readying a missile, intelligence estimates point to an April launch, five days after the Seoul nuke summit ended today. The South Korean military warned it would shoot down the missile if it arrived at the summit late.

In addition to discussing the issue of nuclear security, leaders at the summit were also expected to raise the issue of human rights on the Korean Peninsula after it emerged that some of their wives may have been tortured during their stay. In accordance with Korean tradition officials in Seoul had arranged for the leaders' wives to be kept out of the way while their husbands engaged in man-talk, by giving them political education classes about Korean cultural treasures and history, followed by meals of Korean food, before finally forcing them to listen to Korean pop stars singing their hit songs.

However, it later transpired that an even more serious diplomatic incident was narrowly averted when a costume delivery mix-up led to one K-pop group not appearing in front of the U.S. First Lady wearing 'blackface' as originally planned.

After massive amounts of expenditure by the government and considerable inconvenience suffered by the residents of Seoul, the final communique reached its historic conclusion - reaffirming the need to work harder to ensure a "safer world for all". Organizers hailed it as a great success, "Without the Seoul Summit, we would now live in an unsafer world. Korea has averted a disaster." said a 42 year-old spokesman.

Related Links
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List of presidential trips made by Barack Obama
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