'Dokdo' To Be Carved on Every Korean Schoolchild

Dokdo City - Korean population 210,000

As the threat of war on the Korean Peninsula dominates media headlines around the world, the South Korean government believes it has found a way of keeping the international community's attention on the really important issue of the Dokdo islands, which are Korean territory, by carving the Korean name 'Dokdo' into children. It is hoped that in addition to raising global awareness of Japan's outrageously aggressive territorial claims, the scars will also serve as a permanent reminder to future generations that Korea must never give up its territorial birthrights to the hated Japanese who only wish to revive their colonial past.

A statement issued by the Ministry of Education said "People around the world will see the commitment of our nation's children to its most important cause, and it will prove to them the strength of Korea's evidence of historical ownership to the islands versus the flimsy and unproven fantasy claims made by Japan, which is not prepared to carve the word 'Dokdo' on their children – a lack of commitment which clearly demonstrates the shallowness of their alleged beliefs."

Some people have questioned whether permanently scarring children is the best method of achieving this and a debate has raged in recent weeks on the merits of carving versus tattooing, but tattoos – which might otherwise have been the preferred option – are generally frowned upon for their criminal connotations, whereas many children are scarred during their early life in South Korea anyway, according to numerous research papers.

"We don't want to turn our country into a nation of criminals" said a ruling party lawmaker, who was last year convicted of handing out illegal loans to rival candidates shortly before they withdrew from his election race, although he did apologize when this was discovered.

On the subject of foreign criminals, the government also announced that multicultural children will not have 'Dokdo' carved into them – partly on the advice that this might create a legal precedent for a stake in the ownership of the islands, but mostly out of the fear that those doing the carving may get AIDS from their blood, as it is well-known that people without pure Korean blood can catch and spread AIDS very easily.

While some Korean parents may harbor unpatriotic reservations over the plan, especially if they suffer from undiagnosed or untreated left-wing thoughts, the government has been quick to point out that the Dokdo scars could eventually be mostly removed for cosmetic reasons if necessary when a child reaches adulthood. Stocks in plastic surgery companies, which had already featured heavy buying earlier in the week, soared on the news.

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