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| Drunken Pirate Rampage to End? |
Korea's largest maker of distilled liquor soju and beer, Hite, has reported that sales in Japan fell in August for the first time since 1988, ending 24 years of growth in the dubious colonialist country. However, the company has stressed to its shareholders that the fall is nothing to do with worsening relations between Korea and its enemy, but instead the reason is that Japanese consumers do not drink as much as they used to due to public health awareness.
Experts agree that if Japan wants to stay healthy, it has to sober up and stop provoking its neighbors in alcohol-fueled rages which have dangerously destabilized Asia in the last few months.
On Tuesday the Seoul Northern District Court sentenced a habitual drunk surnamed Lee to two years in prison for repeated violence against his neighbors. After the ruling, some argued that legal precedent should now allow South Korea to take the Dokdo issue to the International Court of Justice, as the Seoul case is very similar to Japan's over Dokdo.
The government has played down rumors that the popularity of Korean products has plummeted in Japan after Seoul issued a series of threats against the declining nation and after the Korean media was bizarrely accused by Tokyo of inciting nationalistic tensions against the notorious height-challenged ninja war criminals, despite a complete lack of evidence.
According to the Ministry of Unification in Seoul, the popularity of Korean singers has declined in Japan due to atmospheric conditions which make their voices sound 'slightly whiny', food sales are down because of the large number of two-for-one deals offered last month, and the fall in Japanese tourists to Korea is due to the new iPhone maps, which are directing them to China when they search for Korea.
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