|'Early Korean Church Meeting'|
The authorities were tipped off after the head pastor of 'Somang Presbyterian Church', 64-year-old Kim, succeeded in beating off two vice-pastors in a church SmackDown-style contest, which traces its origins to a traditional non-denominational form of Korean folk wrestling called 'ssireum'.
The fighting style has since developed into a more mixed martial arts format, in order to adapt to the realities of modern life, but it still seeks to answer that age-old spiritual question – 'Can you love your neighbor as yourself and still kick him in the face as hard as you can?' The members of 'Fight Church' around Korea believe that it is possible, since while the Bible is pretty specific on the notion that 'thou shalt not kill', it is somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps, and maiming in general.
But in an attempt to prove the answer this question once and for all, so that it doesn't have to remain a weak article of faith, there have been a number of brawls between worshipers and pastors in recent years. In the latest, which was captured on video using a Korean smartphone, Pastor Kim is seen [warning: extremely graphic Christian video content] maintaining control of Somang Church, before finally preventing the last of his congregation escaping in the church's helicopter.
Religion in Korea has developed into a massive multi-billion dollar business, as it is now accepted that being poor is a sin, but most Koreans no longer follow the Catholic Church of Rome, over the latter's preposterous Italian refusal to accept the fact that Jesus Christ - promoter of the eternal Seoul - was Korean. Jesus and his '12 Kims' along with one Lee and a migrant worker had toured around ancient Korea promoting the idea of Christian conflict, until Lee predictably disappeared to betray Jesus while he was in the Deoksu Palace garden, because betrayal and treachery are in the blood of all Lees - which is why Kim is clearly a better name to have.
But who betrayed Pastor Kim and his Somang Church? Could it have been another Lee, who may even be a descendent of the most infamous traitor in Christian history? President Lee Myung-bak served as an elder at Somang Church until last year, when he mysteriously left. What did he do after he left? Collect his thirty pieces of silver? The one thing we do know is that he recently betrayed Dokdo. Is it implausible to believe his Dokdo treachery began earlier and is part of a pattern?
While members of fight churches around Korea must now be worried their activities will be restricted, there is still some hope for embattled members – Buddhists, who often fight running battles over the control of temple funds – say the Christians are welcome to join them for a 'grand death match', which both groups accept has been coming anyway for some time.
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