No Nuclear Leak at Uljin Reactor

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It has been revealed that a perfectly safe reactor at the Uljin Nuclear Power Plant in Uljin, North Gyeongsang Province, shut down last Thursday, but the incident had nothing to do with a radiation leak, according to officials who asked not to be named. A statement released said the reactor had stopped operating around evening meal time at 6.41 p.m. after firing off a warning signal, but there was no radiation leak during the incident.

The pressurized water reactor has been in operation since 1988, and it was the first to use Korean-made components for all critical systems, and it is perfectly safe. The plant is run by state-run operator Korea Hydro and Nuclear Power, which recently had six of its officials arrested on charges of accepting bribes from parts suppliers in return for buying used and updated parts for its reactors. Officials had claimed it was still safer to buy used nuclear parts this way than internationally using eBay.

In April, it was revealed that one of the reactors at Uljin is tired and needs a holiday for a couple of years. Officials denied it was being shut down for safety reasons. "As most nuclear reactors are now being asked to work much longer than their design life, sometimes they just need a career break to get some perspective", said a nuclear official, who was not one of those arrested previously but asked not to be named.

South Korea uses a nuclear event scale which is similar to the international one but tailored to Korea's unique culture:

0. A 'deviation' from normal operation if there is such a thing which there isn't so this level of happening is classed as 'zero'
1. An 'anomaly' – tap the dial, or hit it with a hammer if this doesn't work
2. An 'incident' limited to the plant itself which can easily be covered up
3. A 'serious incident' still limited to the plant and its immediate surroundings, which can still be covered up but staff should not take their cars home until it's rained a few times
4. An 'accident with local consequences' – staff should give the local restaurants a miss but try to smile through their remaining teeth – the local newspaper may run a small story if it can't be bribed not to
5. An 'accident with wider consequences' – a national newspaper picks up the story if it can't be bribed or pressured not to
6. A 'serious accident' – the president has to make a statement that everything is OK
7. A 'major accident' – the president has to make a statement that everything is OK from another country


Officials said that the incident at Uljin last week was being officially categorized as a 'happening' which rated at less than zero on the Korean Nuclear Event Scale with a margin of error of three given the early nature of the investigation.

Last year the government decided to conduct massive emergency drills every year in preparation for radiation leaks from domestic nuclear power plants, with particular focus on the areas around the Uljin, Wolseong and Gori nuclear power plants – Korea's oldest. Gori-1 is already working two years beyond its design life having been shut down and restarted because of power shortages, but it is perfectly safe. According to an official, the choice of resident evacuation exercises in these areas is "just a coincidence, we had to pick somewhere."

The Minister of Disasters insisted citizens shouldn't be alarmed as it was "simply good practice to prepare for things you think could happen one day."

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Sexual Harassment by Female Sluts in Korea is Killing Men

Women are the weaker of the two sexes and have long been considered vulnerable to sexual assaults and harassment such as the recent The Korea Times piece titled "A thin line between sexy and trashy", in which the newspapers' photographers followed women wearing "revealing clothes" around Seoul while taking their photographs.

The generalization of women as weak and vulnerable to sex attacks and beatings from their husbands supposedly indicates that men are aggressors, but this also produces an unintended side effect – putting ordinary men in an awkward position in everyday circumstances. So are women as blameless as they claim to be, or are they in fact the real sexual predators, systematically harassing innocent Korean men?

Men regularly have to overcome suspicious looks from women, who fear us sitting next to them and engaging in entirely accidental 'skinship' by brushing their arm against them or finding a hand under their bare leg. They wear perfume and then complain if we try to get close enough to smell it properly. Women also claim they fear walking in a desolate neighborhood street while being closely followed by a man who they immediately label a potential sexual predator before he has even had the chance to do anything. So which gender is really doing the sexual harassment in these situations?

Riding up an escalator, many of these sexual predator slut-bitches in short skirts cover their behinds with their bags as if to say we were deliberately trying to catch a glimpse of their panties. Men may have to suppress an urge to cry out loud "Wear long skirts or trousers and cover up your body you cheap filthy whore!" Of course, few would translate this urge into action, though some do. In a modern and supposedly peaceful society, we must ask why women are allowed to dress provocatively, and why we casually accept the reality that half of our society is constantly trying to provoke the other.

So what are men behind these women to do when confronted by these sexual attacks, except look away at the risk of stumbling, falling over, and even breaking their necks? Sexual harassment by Korean women against men is spiraling out of control and killing people. To avoid stumbling and save their lives, men have little choice but to look at these murderous sluts, and then of course they are accused by these whores of being potential rapists as though they would ever act on those thoughts.

In other words, we have to pay extra attention while simply walking around behind women, for fear of being the subject of "dagger" looks or even verbal denunciations for every innocent move we make. Is there no escape from our emancipation? Are we living in a "Minority Report" world ruled by women, where men are all struck by the stroke of guilt even before we commit a crime?

The Dokdo Times sent its young male reporters out to investigate it. Many returned clearly traumatized by the climate of sexual fear and objectification they were subjected to. Three were arrested by pro-women police officers lending further evidence to the suggestion that Korea is secretly controlled by a cabal of whores, and sadly, two of our reporters failed to return at all. We fear they probably stumbled and fell – fatally injuring themselves – while trying to avoid looking up women's skirts.

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Skinship

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Typhoon Bolaven Brings Korea Chance to Officially Claim Ieodo

Beautiful Korean island of Ieodo

Everyone in Korea knows about the Korean island of Ieodo, Korea's treasure island belonging to to Jeju with beautiful myths and ocean research station. Sadly, the island was flooded after the last ice-age, so that now it lies submerged under 4.6 meters of water between Korea and China – but closer to the nearest Korean island than it is to the Chinese mainland. Because it lies underwater, Ieodo can occasionally be a little dirty and smelly so the Chinese dubiously claim it as their territory, even though it isn't dirty and smelly most of the time.

Unfortunately, Korea is unable to take the matter of ownership of the Korean island to the International Court of Justice - as it wishes to do in order to correct China's distorted account of the facts about Ieodo - because the island is flooded and the heavily Chinese-influenced United Nations says countries cannot claim 'underwater' islands outside their coastal waters as their territory. This creates the absurd position of South Korea not being able to claim its own island – a territory so old it was named as an island with the 'do' suffix, proving it was populated by Koreans during the last ice age 20,000 years ago when it proudly sat 126 meters out of the water and was home to a small town with its widely-known Ieodo Festival.

But early on Monday Korea has an extraordinary chance to officially claim back Ieodo once and for all, and put an end to this preposterous territorial dispute, which is not really a dispute at all because there is no dispute in Korea. The category-3 Typhoon Bolaven is expected to hit Ieodo directly at the start of next week, and while this is bad news for both the island's Korean residents, the 8 meter storm surge associated with the 209 kph winds is expected to lead to a brief dip of 5 meters in the trailing sea levels due to water displacement. Experts say this will leave the tip of Ieodosan – Ieodo's highest mountain – briefly exposed above the water line for up to twenty-two minutes.



During this twenty-two minute period, the United Nations cannot deny the clear fact that Ieodo is an island again, as long as it meets the international definition of being an island rather than a rock – which is having at least one tree growing on it. To this end it is understood that the Ministry of Really Korean Territories, in conjunction with the Jeju police force and Navy, has devised a plan to end China's dubious claim by quickly planting a tree on the top of Ieodosan – underneath the ocean research station, making it an island. At the same time the ministry will simultaneously apply to the United Nations to make Ieodo an internationally recognized Korean territory.

While the twisted United Nations rules say a submerged rock cannot be claimed, there are no rules which would see Korea lose its island after it is flooded again, even if the tree does not stay in place. China's shameless territorial claim over Korea's Ieodo island will be ended, and it will be seen by the international community for the absurdity that it is.

The biggest risk is that the operation will have to be conducted in a short time-frame in typhoon conditions while possibly under attack by the Chinese Navy and its paramilitary fishing fleet, which have no doubt drawn up plans to invade the Korean island themselves. But needless to say, Korea must seize the opportunity presented by Typhoon Bolaven to defend Ieodo as it is Korean geographically, culturally, poetically, and intellectually.

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Japanese Prime Minister Wants to Bomb Pearl Harbor Again

Coming to an island near you

Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihiko 'Tojo' Noda is behind Japan's confrontational stance in dealing with historical disputes with Korea, China and Russia. The history of Tokyo's militarism and its devastating effects are on many people's minds, although they wish to remain anonymous.

Experts, who have also asked to remain anonymous, say that Noda pretended to be conciliatory when he became Prime Minister last year. Some unnamed people say that he is a "historical setback" who wants Japan to resume World War II.

Regarded by unconfirmed observers as being 'far to the right' in the ruling liberal Democratic Party of Japan, the 55-year-old violated diplomatic protocol recently by revealing the content of a letter complaining about Dokdo sent to President Lee Myung-bak.

This violation is serious enough, but now that the ruling Saenuri Party has chosen the daughter of former military dictator Park Chung-hee, Park Geun-hye, as its presidential candidate, there is every chance that Korea will soon get its first female president. If the Dokdo issue had been raised just a few months later, would the Japanese Prime Minister have willingly violated her in the same way, with the 'comfort women' sex slave issue still unresolved? It seems that not only is Japan not sorry for the systematic rape of Korean women during the war, it wants to start doing it again. And yet this potential rapist shows no remorse.

But it shouldn't be surprising. Noda is the son of a Japanese Defense Agency member who supports Class-A war criminals and the practice of visiting shrines where some of them are buried, specifically to pay tribute to them while ignoring the others memorialized there as a deliberate insult.

Lee Myung-bak has revealed the frustration he felt last year when he met the Japanese leader during a summit, saying he spoke to him for more than an hour to explain why Korea had no plan to accept Japan's call to remove a statue of a girl in traditional costume placed in front of the Japanese Embassy in Seoul to commemorate the 1,000th weekly protest against sex slavery by the Japanese military during World War II. Studies have shown that other foreigners subjected to such talks lose the will to live after the first five minutes, but sixty minutes later the cowardly descendent of samurais still hadn't done the honorable thing and committed seppuku. Instead, reportedly in a further outrageous insult, the Japanese Prime Minister merely suggested a compromise where the statue of the girl wasn't removed, but her traditional costume was.

In a further sign that Noda wants to return to Japan's colonial period, after President Lee's inauguration speech in February 2008 he wrote that the Osaka-born Korean president was an example of the new type of leader that Asia needed – in other words, Japanese.

Professor David Kang – who might sound Korean but works in America at a reputable university - said it was surprising that Japan was picking territorial disputes with "every single one of its neighbors", given that it has "a weak economy, declining population and no real vision for the future."

In a sign of the country's collective psychological destrabilization, Japan has a near-schizophrenic approach to its various territorial disputes. It maintains the position that it will simply discuss the issue of the Kuril Islands with Russia, as Moscow is open to talks, and it is taking a low-key approach with Chinese activities attempting landings on the Senkaku Islands, because they are under its control. But for some reason, just because Dokdo is not under its control and Seoul refuses to discuss the issue even through the International Court of Justice, Tokyo seems to be taking a harder line with Korea, which simply does not make sense.

The overwhelming conclusion from the evidence above is that Japan is planning an imminent attack on Pearl Harbor.

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Can Korea Pretend to Have Moved?

When this month's Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda sent a letter to President Lee Myung-bak last week, it set off a panic within the Korean government over how to respond. "How should we respond?" asked an apparently panicked government official rhetorically while speaking off the record to reporters.

Finally, the government took a position. "We will review all legal merits and, based on that, make a state decision." said another spokesman for the Ministry of War and Japanese Affairs. But experts immediately warned that it was far from clear under Korean law whether Noda had engaged in a criminal act by sending the letter, apparently disappointing senior figures in the Blue House who were hoping to take it to a plenary session of the United Nations Security Council as a justification for war.

The options reportedly being considered if legal experts conclude that the letter is not an act of war, are sending the letter back pretending that South Korea has moved and it is therefore not deliverable, denying having received it, or simply ignoring it.

Ministers were said to have initially favored the first approach, believing that it would be entirely plausible for South Korea to move given its location in a rather undesirable part of the world between China, Japan and North Korea, not to mention – if truth were told – the really awful atmospheric climate of the area, which contrary to popular belief in the region, is not only caused by Korean politicians.

But the Ministry of Really Korean Territories warned that pretending to have moved to a location just off the Californian coast – a secretly long-held aspiration – would weaken South Korea's territorial claims which are largely based on proximity to other Korean territories. Move the fatherland, they argued, and it would break the chain of claims which stretch from Jeju and Ieodo islands, all the way down to Australia – or Hojudo, as it should properly be called.

The dispute between Korea and Japan over the Korean Dokdo islets reached a boiling point after Lee Myung-bak made his first and last visit to the Korean island on August 10th. Japan said it would take Korea to the International Court of Justice, but the Foreign Ministry refused to be pressured by the legals threats because, it said, "Dokdo is clearly part of Korean territory historically, geographically, legally, academically, commercially, mathematically, meteorologically, ecologically, demographically, physically, spiritually, morally, visibly, logically, geologically, scatalogically and futurologically so no territorial dispute exists and therefore this conversation logically never happened."

Korea has been effectively controlling the Dokdo Islands since officially landing military-trained forces there dressed as paramilitary police in 1954. Before Japanese threats and American aerial bombing forced South Korea to resort to building a barracks on the island, Dokdo's Korean residents lived in peace and harmony with nature while offering a friendly welcome to the crews of all passing ships except those from Japan, China and the United States. The civilian population has since grown to over 134,000 Koreans, with no Japanese residents, making Japan's dubious territorial claim nothing short of bizarre.

Shortly after the necessary invasion of police personnel onto Dokdo, the Dokdo Miracle was discovered – a large rock jutting out of the island was discovered with the naturally formed words "Dokdo" on the front, and "Republic of Korea" on the back, apparently indicating that by some unknown sentient geological process, even the islands themselves knew where they belonged.

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Will Korea Become Subject to American Law?

This week Julian Assange™ was granted asylum by Ecuador, following fears that the accusations of rape he faced in Sweden were part of a secret conspiracy by the CIA and shape-shifting reptilian humanoids - who call themselves the Babylonian Brotherhood - to have him extradited to the United States to face charges of information terrorism, which could involve a much stiffer punishment than the almost victimless crime police wish to question him in connection with in Sweden.

The Julian Assange™ affair highlights the growing reach of American law across the world, and now there are fears that South Korea could be next in line for persecution after an American law firm opened an office in Seoul. The company, which goes under the name of Sheppard Evans even though it is not believed to be religious, has made the unlikely claim that it is merely in Korea to help K-pop go global.

While there have long been hopes that the Korean Wave – or Hallyu as it is known – would usher in a new era of Korean cultural colonialism, experts are warning that it is the danger of American legal colonialism which now threatens our country, using The Wave as a front. While Washington is trying to extend American law to many countries around the world, it could prove particularly destabilizing in Korea Inc., which is so-called because of the way the country is run like one big national business around which the legal and political system are organized. If the pro-legal system is challenged by encroaching Americanism, the whole house of cards could come crashing down.

Many say it is typical of the arrogance of the United States that they believe they should make the world's laws, when Korean scholars have pointed out that America is much further away from most other countries than Korea. According to 60-year-old Professor Kim of Seoul International University "Much of the world can be proven to be closer to Korea than America, so perhaps it should be Korea that has the right to make international laws, not other nations."

Historically Korean laws have been accepted as taking precedence over those of other countries. For example, with the Dokdo issue Korean law clearly states that it is Korean territory, whereas so-called Japanese legal experts in Tokyo have interpreted Japanese laws to state that Dokdo is Japanese territory. Even if this dubious interpretation of their legal system proved to be accurate, Korean law is clearly and factually in the right.

Last month, the government had to allow foreign law firms to open offices in Seoul for the first time after it was discovered that under the deceptive free trade agreements Korea signed last year despite lacking a proper Korean translation, Korea had to open up its legal system to foreigners, who had previously always been denied justice in our country. With the move, we now face the prospect of not only being subject to the diktats of Washington, but also the individual dictatorship of resident aliens running to a American law firm every time they are accused of spreading AIDS, taking drugs and not getting paid.

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Disclaimer: Julian Assange™ is a trademark of Julian Assange™. Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Olympic Footballer Kim to Promote Air Force

Yellow Card Winner

23-year-old FC Datsburg midfielder Kim Ja-cheol – part of the Korean heroic bronze-medal winning London Olympic team which so comprehensively crushed the weaker Japanese – was appointed an honorary ambassador for the Korean Air Force yesterday.

"I've always admired the Air Force, because my father once served there." said Kim, who added "I will try to help our Air Force, which – like me – is an attacking midfielder in the national defense."

Kim is hoping that his honorary service will deflect any future portrayal of Korea's football players as a group of playboy cowards who would do anything to avoid actually facing danger while pretending that they are heroes facing mortal danger on the football field, especially after their notably riotous celebrations following the game that would see them avoid military duty.

Posing heroically in an Air Force uniform, Kim told reporters "In the last war, I faced 11 Japanese zeroes charging towards me but somehow beat them off to tell the heroic story of my survival. If war breaks out I will do my duty by posing heroically in an Air Force uniform to convince young men to risk their life in the defense of our country as I have done." Kim maintained that he fought bravely and even earned a Yellow Card, one of Korean football's highest honors.

When asked if he would actually consider joining the Air Force in order to fight the Japanese, the FC Datsburg player said he had already fought the Japanese in the air having won a significant number of headers over them, and would be glad to pass on his aerial combat experience to recruits from his apartment in the exclusive Gangnam district of Seoul, when he wasn't busy fighting for Korea elsewhere.

Some overseas football pundits have openly questioned why it is that Korean players over the years often disappoint for their club sidea, but do remarkably well for the national team when they stand to win freedom from their otherwise mandatory military service. And even in Korea, there has been criticism of the scheme, partly because it completely contradicts Lee Myung-bak's claim to want to create a 'Fair Society', but mostly because everyone knows that the Korea's national football team will never play as well again until it is made up of a new generation of players who need to avoid doing their national military service.

The football team's exemption is part of a wider 'natural selection' scheme which discretely ensures that only the unprivileged actually have to fight and die in the event of a war or bullying in the barracks. So while a number of high-profile non-athletic celebrities who fight in Korea's culture wars are still expected to serve their national service, it is usually in a comfortable public relations position where the only daily danger they face is of being recognized without their makeup on.

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What About Japan's Nazi Flags at the Olympics?

Coming to an island near you

It has often been said that when fascism comes to the Olympics, it will be wrapped in a Japanese flag and the wearers will be cross. And so it was proven in London.

While the pro-Japanese IOC willingly tried to martyr Park Jong-woo whose only act was to show a sign in Korean for Koreans reading "독도는 우리땅" - clearly making it a domestic public service message rather than an international political statement, Japan's athletes not only went to the Olympics to represent a nation unapologetic for its imperialist past, but did so wearing the symbol of its imperialist past - Japan's Nazi flag, the 'Rising Sun' – which it often called the "flag of greater East Asia" or 'Hinomaru' in right-wing children's anime shows.

The Ministry of Sports Politics in Seoul said it belatedly became aware of the issue after the Park Jong-woo incident, and immediately demanded that the IOC strip the Japanese team of their uniforms and send them home. In a typical anti-Korean move, the IOC shamelessly did nothing while persecuting the poor and unfortunate Park and calling it 'fair'. The flag was even photographed in the crowd at the football match between Japan and Korea being held by a Japanese supporter who had stooped so low as in their deceit as to attempt to disguise themselves as a white person to avoid being linked back to Tokyo.

There was considerable embarrassment among Koreans both at the Games in London and watching at home that nobody noticed Japan's Nazi flag staring everyone in the face at first, but netizens have since been in uproar and street protests and cyberattacks again Japan are expect to be launched soon.

Japan's Nazi Rising Sun flag became synonymous with fanaticism when – towards the end of the Second World War - the nationalistic Japanese on Okinawa became so divorced from reality that they convinced themselves they would be horribly butchered by invading American forces, so they butchered themselves in caves to prevent this dishonor instead, by injecting rat poison into their bodies while mothers cut their babies' throats. Such suicidal acts of misguided loyalty based on a distorted view of history and hatred of foreign cultures while hidden in caves would never happen on an island such as Dokdo, as several large and comfortable underground bunkers have been built for loyal citizens.

The offensive Japanese flag was banned by the United Nations after American forces - aided by Koreans - completely defeated the warmongering nation, but the duplicitous Japanese have sought to bring back its use in violation of the UN as they prepare to invade Asia again, starting with Dokdo. Incredibly, Japan has even used its influence in the world to scrub all mention from the history books of the UN banning of the Japanese flag, and now even Wikipedia says the UN ban was merely a set of 'restrictions', not a ban. It is little wonder that Korea can not get justice from organizations such as the IOC and UN when it is surrounded by a sea of lies, especially the one between Korea and Japan. Fortunately even many Japanese, appalled and shamed by their history and nationality, have sought to ban their Nazi flag.

There has also been another double standard at the Olympics – literally – in the form of Mexican-born U.S. athlete Leo Manzano, who waved both the American flag and the Mexican flag when celebrating winning his silver medal in the 1500 meters. This is clearly a political statement from a reluctant American who recognizes that the country was forged by conquering and killing every step of the way, but who wishes to correct the historical injustice of American colonialism which even saw Dokdo bombed by them between 1948 and 1952.

Last year, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs suggested a plan to back Argentina in its dispute over the South Atlantic Malvinas islands which is populated by British people, because Britain wouldn't support South Korea over Dokdo, which is populated by Koreans. But even though we know they privately believe that Dokdo really is Korean territory, the United States has refused to publicly back Seoul and threaten war against Japan. Perhaps it is time for the government to recognize Mexico's overwhelming claim that Texas is their territory due to historical ownership and the fact that it sits next to a body of water called the Gulf of Mexico, not the Gulf of America.

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Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Facebook and Facebok Ten Years On

Remembering Korea's Facebok

Facebok – the Korean social network that once seemed set to sweep the world – imploded not long after a young Mark Zuckerberg visited its offices in Seoul and then returned to America to set up a rival service.

Today, many non-Koreans don't even believe the founder of Facebook effectively stole the idea of social networking from Korea when he visited Seoul, as claimed by South Korea Communications and documented by The Korea Times. Ten years on, what lessons can Korea learn about the failure of Facebok and the success of Facebook?

On the face of things, Facebook seemed doomed to failure, as unlike Korea's Facebok it was designed to be evil, because it effectively creates a separate Internet in which only members of Facebook can see other members' information – it's even possible to restrict personal information to groups of other members.

Korea's Facebok on the other hand had no such restrictions, so every member's private information could be seen by everybody else – even people who weren't members of Facebok – although not non-Koreans obviously. In doing this Facebok created an environment of openness, trust and mutual respect between people, whereas Facebook encourages people to be secretive and deceptive because it is run by foreigners and this plays to their secretive and deceptive natures.

But whereas Facebok was built with local cultural sensitivities in mind, Facebook shares no such cultural awareness, which makes it extremely dangerous. For example, on Facebok, you could go back and change anything you'd ever said or done – either by deleting it or replacing it with better facts, but Facebook doesn't allow you to edit your history by changing your words, which is very inconvenient for Koreans.

Despite this, it was still believed that Facebok could survive in the face of the increasingly globally-dominant Facebook, on the principle that people in Korea generally have no interest in social networking with foreigners outside Korea, so once again the country would retain its pure data.

But then the unexpected happened – Korean netizens started moving over from Facebok to Facebook in large numbers because using a foreign social network gave other people the impression they had foreign friends, which enhanced their prestige. All they usually had to say is "I'm on Facebook", but in case anyone checked it was always easy enough to befriend group of random foreigners by making enough friend requests, especially if you changed your avatar temporarily to a picture of Lee Hyori first.

Facing accusations that Facebook was based on the declining Facebok, the American company bought its Korean rival and closed down the site so that now one of the few reminders of Korea's social networking failure is the fact that the facebok.com domain tauntingly points to facebook.com. Facebook also still retains the same shade of deep blue of the Korean flag, the depiction of Dokdo at the end of its logo, as well as its 'real-name' policy, which ironically Korea abandoned after discovering the President wasn't even using his real name.

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France Goes Paris on Korean Car Imports

The French car industry, known for its quirkily-designed, underspecified and poorly-manufactured vehicles - which would have long-since been confined to history if it weren't for massive amounts of state subsidies by a succession of closet-communist-leaning governments - is believed to be behind an extraordinary attack on the Korean car industry which may see it have to ask permission every time a vehicle is imported.

The decision to adopt a Parisian attitude towards foreigners and their cars comes after it was revealed that Renault - which bought Korea's Samsuit Motors in 2000 - had the worst sales of Korea's give carmakers last month, selling a mere 4,008 units, falling behind Ssangyong, a brand even many Koreans barely recognize. However, 4,000 Renault Samsuit employees said they were very happy with their new vehicles, and according to the company's uncited Wikipedia page Renault Samsuit Motors "maintains a good position within the Korean automotive market".

It is believed Renault Samsuit may be struggling to sell vehicles in Korea because of memories of the 'French Foreign Language Teacher Scandal' of 1984, and also due to France's continuing dubious claims over the Dokdo Islands - which it calls the 'Liancourt Rocks'.

Problems began for Renault Samsuit when both Kia and Hyundai decided to hire designers for their cars for the first time in 2010. Protectionism had long forced Koreans to buy only Korean manufacturers' cars due to the massive tariffs on foreign imports, a policy France has long sought to emulate, but the opening up of the Korean market to foreign competition forced most of Korea's car manufacturers to move away from their 1980s-inspired designs and even to offer more colors than silver, white, white, silver and black. The designs proved so successful that before long Korean cars were not just being driven by laughing motor journalists on foreign TV programs, but also by real people in these foreign countries.

The move left Renault Samsuit struggling at the time. It's flagship model, the S&M5, is based on a Nissan Cefiro design which itself is so old some people claim to have seen it at Pearl Harbor. But the company has now designed a new generation of vehicles such as the Kangoo iCar Z.E., which features translucent plastic windows as part of a bright white casing. However, Apple says the design of the vehicle is a clear copy of its iMac G3 computer and it has threatened to sue Samsuit, which may see the iCar banned from sale in several countries.

Renault Samsuit's iCar Z.E. - Apple iMac G3 copy?

Korean car imports have increased massively in Europe since the signing of a Free Trade Agreement (FTA) between Korea and the EU last year, because naturally all Europeans want to drive them and become part of the Korean Wave. But the French government has said that trade is not free if it costs French jobs, and therefore the Korean car manufacturers are in breach of the free trade agreement.

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Korean Christian Fight Club May be Closed

'Early Korean Church Meeting'

A Christian fight club, whose members regularly fight over prize money donated by an audience every Sunday in Seoul, may be closed after prosecutors launched a probe into its activities.

The authorities were tipped off after the head pastor of 'Somang Presbyterian Church', 64-year-old Kim, succeeded in beating off two vice-pastors in a church SmackDown-style contest, which traces its origins to a traditional non-denominational form of Korean folk wrestling called 'ssireum'.

The fighting style has since developed into a more mixed martial arts format, in order to adapt to the realities of modern life, but it still seeks to answer that age-old spiritual question – 'Can you love your neighbor as yourself and still kick him in the face as hard as you can?' The members of 'Fight Church' around Korea believe that it is possible, since while the Bible is pretty specific on the notion that 'thou shalt not kill', it is somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps, and maiming in general.

But in an attempt to prove the answer this question once and for all, so that it doesn't have to remain a weak article of faith, there have been a number of brawls between worshipers and pastors in recent years. In the latest, which was captured on video using a Korean smartphone, Pastor Kim is seen [warning: extremely graphic Christian video content] maintaining control of Somang Church, before finally preventing the last of his congregation escaping in the church's helicopter.

Religion in Korea has developed into a massive multi-billion dollar business, as it is now accepted that being poor is a sin, but most Koreans no longer follow the Catholic Church of Rome, over the latter's preposterous Italian refusal to accept the fact that Jesus Christ - promoter of the eternal Seoul - was Korean. Jesus and his '12 Kims' along with one Lee and a migrant worker had toured around ancient Korea promoting the idea of Christian conflict, until Lee predictably disappeared to betray Jesus while he was in the Deoksu Palace garden, because betrayal and treachery are in the blood of all Lees - which is why Kim is clearly a better name to have.

But who betrayed Pastor Kim and his Somang Church? Could it have been another Lee, who may even be a descendent of the most infamous traitor in Christian history? President Lee Myung-bak served as an elder at Somang Church until last year, when he mysteriously left. What did he do after he left? Collect his thirty pieces of silver? The one thing we do know is that he recently betrayed Dokdo. Is it implausible to believe his Dokdo treachery began earlier and is part of a pattern?

While members of fight churches around Korea must now be worried their activities will be restricted, there is still some hope for embattled members – Buddhists, who often fight running battles over the control of temple funds – say the Christians are welcome to join them for a 'grand death match', which both groups accept has been coming anyway for some time.

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Betrayal! Infamy! Lee Myung-bak Betrays Dokdo

Japanese attack?

Just days after Lee Myung-bak – otherwise known as Tsukiyama Akihiro - visited Dokdo and said the Korean islands were worth someone else other than him dying for, the so-called President has betrayed Dokdo and its people in the most shocking and disgraceful way imaginable, in an act of treachery which surely marks a new low in low-life world of Seoul politics.

Not even daring to speak the words himself, Tsukiyama had a Cheong Wa Dae spokesman announce that the government of the weak and frightened mainlanders has decided not to fortify Dokdo by building a massive seawall around the islands or a 'research base' full of the latest medium-range missiles, saying that "Dokdo is just one of some 3,000 islands that are in our territory", ignoring the fact that Dokdo is the spiritual homeland of all Koreans and therefore by far its most important island.

Unbelievably for an administration which has just poisoned the entire nation's water supply through the Four Rivers Project which slowed down river flows and turned them into soups of green algae, Tsukiyama would now have the people of Korea believe that his betrayal of Dokdo is due to 'environmental concerns', even though when the National Institute of Environmental Research (NIER) warned last year that his Four Rivers Project would cause algae outbreaks and lasting environmental damage he completely ignored it.

Meanwhile, the hypocritical and cowardly politicians in Seoul have pressed ahead with a plan to build a wall around Seoul by 2015 to protect the capital and their real estate investments from foreign invasion, in a move typical of the untrustworthy and two-faced mainlanders, who are well known for promising you something in person and then breaking that promise the moment they are out of your sight, just as Tsukiyama has done with the people of Dokdo.

After the traitorous announcement, the Ministry of Journalism in Seoul moved quickly to use the media under its control to tell patriotic Koreans they shouldn't care that much about Dokdo after all, with the Chosun Ilbo – part of the CJD media triad – now running a story titled "Korea Needs to Remain Calm Over Dokdo", even though our inability to remain calm is a fundamental aspect of our unique culture. If we are suddenly to be 'be calm', what makes us any different from intellectually questionable foreigners?

The betrayal of Dokdo seems to be a direct and cowardly response to Japan's nuclear attack on Korea over the weekend, in which a brick showing low-level signs of radioactivity was thrown through the window of the South Korean consulate office in Hiroshima.

Shortly after he first landed on Dokdo, Tsukiyama had sought to put longstanding rumors over where his true loyalties lay to rest, by touching the Korean flag on the island made out of the provably-Korean rock. There had been a long-standing belief among those who questioned his Japanese origins that if the rock touched him it would burn his flesh. After it failed to do so, he went on to shake the hands of hundreds of the islands residents in Dokdo City.

After the announcement of his betrayal this morning there has been panic in the shops on the island as residents who met Tsukiyama scrambled to buy bottles of hand-sanitizer. A small part of the flag rock will now be broken off and rock-DNA tested to discover whether it is really fully Korean or some kind of Japanese false flag trick.

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Analysis: Korea Not Yet Ready to Face Japan's Nuclear Terrorism

The world's first act of nuclear terrorism conducted by Japan against Korea this weekend has brought the issue of whether Korea is ready for nuclear war against its declining neighbor.

The government has long feared Japan's nuclear ambitions, but South Korea's own nuclear program stalled after President General Park Chung-hee, who selflessly seized power from a weak and incompetent democraticly-elected government in a 1961 military coup, initiated a plan to offset an economically strengthening but militarily cowardly Japan by making South Korea a nuclear power.

South Korea's nuclear bomb program was halted 18 years later when President General Park, who had promised to return power to civilian authorities once the enormous mess they had created in their brief time in office was fixed, was unexpectedly assassinated by the director of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency, in a move which apparently benefited the interests of America's Central Intelligence Agency and Washington.

Whatever fratricidal differences which have existed between North and South Korea following Japan's brutal occupation of the Korean Peninsula which tore the country apart, both countries have never lost sight of Korea's larger enemies, namely Japan and the United States. Under a secret deal which both South Korea's political patriots and even leftists signed up to, a deal was done with North Korea for them to take over the South's nuclear program, so that when unification finally came Korea would be a de facto nuclear power.

Under the successful facade of inter-Korea conflict and periodically manufactured incidents, South Korea has since continued to send food, financial and technology aid to North Korea in order to support them, but while Korea has attained nuclear power status, progress on building up an arsenal sufficiently big enough to keep America at bay post-unification has been slow, and unification plans are still on hold. The influential Chosun Ilbo is now openly calling for South Korea to restart its own nuclear bomb program to complement the North's.

But the uncomfortable fact is that neither Korea is strong enough to combat the nuclear war Japan has now declared against the Korean people with backing from its American allies. While China has recently asked Korea to abandon its nominal alliance with Washington in favor of rule from Beijing, requesting help from lesser-blooded Asians has always been a politically explosive subject in Korea, and in the event of South Korea becoming a vassal Chinese state like North Korea, it is likely to come at the very high cost of losing Ieodo – Korea's treasure island and home of beautiful myths and ocean research station – which China dubiously and counter-factually claims as its territory.

As such, once again the Korean people find themselves isolated and friendless in the world by those who refuse to understand our unique culture. But even though nuclear war with Japan has come sooner than expected, Korea still has two weapons at its disposal.

The first weapon is the Gori nuclear plant between Busan and Ulsan, which is now 34-years into its 30-year design life. Its location on the edge of the East Sea facing Japan puts it in the perfect position to spew radioactive fallout all over the main Japanese islands if the event of 'an accident'. Some have said this will also carry the added bonus of making Ulsan uninhabitable, which for years many residents have said is the de facto reality of Ulsan anyway.

This 'Gori nuclear leak' eventuality has been carefully prepared for over two years ever since the decommissioned plant was reopened, with stories of accidents, cover-ups, the buying of used nuclear parts for plant maintenance, and general incompetence carefully nurtured in the media. An attack on Japan from Gori could easily be made to look like an accident and of course, Korea would point to the loss of Ulsan and its population of expendable non-Seoulites as proof of its own terrible cost and the fact that it was therefore not a deliberate act. Dokdo would also be expected to see heavy fallout under the Gori plan, but the people here on Dokdo are made of stronger stuff than the mainlanders and it is not expected to be a problem.

The second option that Korea has at its disposal is what has been called the real 'nuclear option'. It is expressly forbidden by United Nations conventions, and it would be conducted with great reluctance by Seoul, but sometimes desperate times call for truly desperate measures. Under this last-ditch scorched-Earth effort, Korea would drop K-pop on Japanese cities, one by one, until they surrendered – and then God help us all and what is left of the world we pass on to our children. But the Japanese should never forget, they started this brutal war with their nuclear brick that registered on Geiger counters around the world.

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Nuclear Terrorism: Japanese Agent Launches Attack Against Korea!

Japan - the East Sea Pirates

A motorcyclist wearing a helmet in an absurd attempt to disguise his Japanese origins threw a brick through the glass entrance door of the South Korean consulate office in Hiroshima early Saturday, and the weapon has now tested positive for low levels of radiation – seemingly making this the world's first act of nuclear terrorism.

Japanese police, who were standing nearby but mysteriously failed to arrest the nuclear brick attacker, say they are investigating the case as a possible response to South Korean President Lee Myung-bak's visit to Dokdo, leaving many Koreans asking how it could be that they can't catch or identify a person, but somehow they know his motives.

On the day of the President's visit, the Japanese Foreign Minister threatened that Japan "must respond to it further" and that this response "would definitely have a large impact", which at the time was widely seen as diplomatic code threatening nuclear retaliation. As so it has proved – with Japan's nuclear brick leaving a hole in the door of the South Korean consulate in Hiroshima. And ridiculously, Tokyo now denies any part in planning the attack, despite their explicit threats to do so. It is as absurd as threatening to bomb Busan Harbor in a surprise attack, and then denying having done it when helmet-wearing Japanese fly past sinking several ships and causing a huge loss of life.

The unprovoked and outrageous attack comes just one month after the Japanese Embassy in Seoul ambushed a Korean truck driver in broad daylight before escaping from the capital, which led to Tokyo shamelessly demanding a new embassy building to replace it. South Korea rightly refused, and after a month of sleeping out in the open the Japanese Ambassador - his samurai spirit weakening - has finally been recalled to his country so he can have a shower.

Korea must now be on its guard, because the inherently dishonest Japanese may not be as open about their next act of nuclear terrorism. The government must act now to ban Japanese planes – which could be carrying nuclear bombs - from Korean airports. Terrorists disguised as 'cultural performers' - with their convenient kamikaze-vest concealing kimonos - must immediately be banned from public places in Korea. The government in Seoul must demand the immediate shutdown of Japan's nuclear reactors, which have been constantly threatening the Korean Peninsula with massive fallout, and the United Nations needs to oversee the de-bricking of Japan, because as long as Tokyo has one brick at its disposal it will clearly remain a threat to regional security and the safety of the peaceful Korean nation.

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IOC Foreigners Confuse Politics with Truth

Five rings to rule them all

In an extraordinarily shocking yet somehow predictable attack on South Korea the International Olympic Committee (IOC) have outrageously banned soccer-player Park Jong-woo from his bronze medal ceremony earlier today. The move came after discovering he had held up a sign reading "독도는 우리땅" (Dokdo is our territory) following Korea's humiliating defeat over the Japanese football team yesterday, which clearly demonstrated them to be the weaker nation.

The pro-Japanese IOC ridiculously claim this is a breach of their ban on using the Olympics as a platform to air political messages, clearly ignoring the obvious fact that there is nothing political about telling the truth, and hypocritically, the creation of modern Olympics with its emphasis on national competition was a politically-motivated act and the IOC has itself developed into a highly political organization. Worse, as Park Jong-woo is said to have been born in Dokdo City, the capital of Dokdo, by banning him from telling the truth of his heritage these IOC foreigners are trying to rob him of his unique Korean birthright.

The petty and pointless move seems designed in part to attract international attention away from the mass suicide which occurred at the final whistle in the match between Korea and Japan, when an estimated 15,000 fans exploded with joy in celebration at Korea's historic victory and as a protest over Japan's continued dubious claim over Dokdo. Tokyo tried to claim they were not responsible for the deaths despite their direct involvement, and - fearing a backlash from the IOC - the Ministry of Journalism had asked the media not to immediately report on it, but the satirical publication The Korea Times soon breached the embargo.

It is not certain if the brave Park Jong-woo will ever receive his medal, and if he doesn't whether this means he will now have to serve his time in the military after all, since only medal-winners are exempt from duty. When President Lee Myung-bak visited Dokdo on Friday he said the islands are "worth sacrificing lives for", and ironically this may mean Park Jong-woo could become one of the first to be readily sacrificed when the war with Japan begins. Unfortunately President Lee will not be able to fight alongside him as he failed to complete anything more than a few weeks of his own military service after developing a bad cough.

Park will at least receive a hero's welcome when he returns home to Dokdo. The Mayor is already arranging a ceremony in which the soccer player will be awarded the symbolic Key to the City of Dokdo. Mayor Kim said the real key would have been given to him, but it was stolen by the Japanese during their period of colonial occupation.

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Korea's Olympic Football Victory Shows How Attack on Japan Could Work

Tigers Kill

By winning a bronze medal at the Olympics members of Korea's football team will no longer have to serve their time in the military – unless they are non-cowardly patriots and choose to anyway – but what of other Korean men who are prepared to genuinely fight and die for their country? Does Korea's victory on the soccer field over the Japanese reveal vital clues as to how an attack on Japan could work?

Korea's first successful attack came just 38 minutes after hostilities commenced, with Park Chu-young bravely charging right through the middle of the Japanese ranks before dancing around what remained of the Japanese defensive capability to strike the Japanese target. The bold strategy apparently demonstrated that full-frontal attacks are not the suicide missions they might initially appear to be.

Then, in the 57th minute, despite numerous Japanese players in impressive-looking blue uniforms defending their territory, a sole attacking Korean captain was able to shoot on target and escape back to his comrades. This clearly shows how the most heavily defended of Japan's fortresses – Tokyo – could be vulnerable to a Korean strike despite the apparent strength of the Japanese defense.

The battle on the football field also demonstrated how Koreans should not necessarily have to fear retaliatory attacks in the event of hostilities, because the Japanese men were either firing blanks or consistently unable to hit their targets. This makes logical sense, because Japan has shown itself to be an evil country in its dealings with Korea and as such it is subject to The Principle of Evil Marksmanship, a proven phenomenon which dictates that during a fight the people on the side of wrong – as the Japanese clearly are - will never hit the heroes no matter how much firepower they appear to have.

The 'Constitution of Cowards' that Japan adopted after the war has also ensured that their military is not battle-tested, unlike the Korean military, which since defeating the Japanese in 1945 has gained further combat experience in the Korean War, Vietnam, and the city of Gwangju. Japan meanwhile, is famous for its zeroes, and so it proved as they took a 2-0 beating from the mighty Taegeuk Warriors.

Now is clearly the time to attack Japan militarily. The Taegeuk Warriors' victory on the field has routed the East Sea Pirates and they are in disarray. This first battle teaches us that for all their rhetoric they are weak at the feet of Korean men and striking a blow against Tokyo is a realistic possibility.

But should the Korean people just settle for a couple of strikes on target as they had to in the Olympic match? It's said that football is a game of two sides, and possibly history is as well. As such, Japan has had its period of colonial control over the Korean Peninsula, perhaps the time has come for Korea to do the same to the Japanese Islands.

It is clear for all to see how Japan's militaristic language and thinking completely permeates their society and that they will never change because of their deeply-ingrained narcissistic notions of racial superiority, even though scientists have proven them to be nothing more than people with Korean ancestry who went to Japan thousands of years ago as perverted sex tourists to breed with the aboriginal Ainu people and dilute their offspring's blood. The long-term solution to the Japanese problem is not just to attack Japan, but to occupy it and civilize its people, just as we saw in the Japanese-half of the football field earlier today.

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South Korean President Lee Myung-bak Visits Dokdo!

Live webcam view of Dokdo City

Japanese-born President Lee Myung-bak made the first ever visit by a South Korean leader to the Korean Dokdo Islands today, in an unprecedented trip that unmistakably proves Seoul's sovereignty over the territory.

The move - made just hours before Korea faces its mortal enemy in an Olympic football match - has angered Japan, a country with a long history of being angry at something. "If the visit is made, it would go against our country's position" said Japanese Foreign Minister Koichiro Gemba reacting to the rumored trip, threatening "we must respond to it further" and that it "would definitely have a large impact" – widely seen as diplomatic code threatening nuclear retaliation.

But the childish Japanese tantrum may spectacularly backfire, by the very fact that in their Bushido-fueled rage they apparently forgot themselves and had their foreign minister speak about the issue; recognizing that Dokdo is foreign territory. If Tokyo truly believed Dokdo was Japanese territory – although logically how could an island with a Korean name really be Japanese – the government would have nominated a domestic minister to make a statement.

Yet the East Sea Pirates continue to maintain the big lie of sovereignty over Dokdo. Tokyo has even made up a name for Dokdo – Takeshima, which laughably translates as "Bamboo Island" despite the fact there is no bamboo on Dokdo, just beautiful Korean trees growing out of rocks recently proven to be Korean. France also claims the territory, which it calls the Liancourt Rocks, named after a commune in the northern part of the traditionally communist-friendly country.

Nevertheless, pro-Japanese journalists working for the BBC counter-factually described the Korean President's trip as a visit to "disputed islands", even though there is no dispute in Korea about them. The BBC have long been known for using Sony and Canon cameras meaning that everything people see on their television networks are effectively filmed from a Japanese perspective.

Plans for the Presidential visit were made last month but fearing a Pearl Harbor style attack by the sneaky and untrustworthy Japanese members of the local government in Dokdo City along with local media outlets including The Dokdo Times were sworn to secrecy. In a brilliant move aimed at deceiving the easily misled and never battle-tested Japanese military, Lee Myung-bak first flew to Ulleung Island before flying on to Dokdo International Airport, landing at 11.16am local time while the Air Force flew combat planes overhead and Navy vessels encircled the island to prevent a Japanese attack.

As one point early in his trip the President, who was born in Osaka as Tsukiyama Akihiro, looked out from the edge of the East Island and joked that if he built his retirement home there "I could see Japan from my house".

He was then driven to Dokdo City where cheering crowds waved Korean and Dokdo flags, and he took the time to meet some of the Dokdan people, who currently number over 126,000 – if you also count those from the less-developed island of West Dokdo. After meeting local leaders he then stood with them on the balcony of City Hall to view a parade by the local military garrison, which included a drive-past of South Korea's latest mobile rocket launchers. While their display is largely symbolic due to 300km range limitations on them imposed by occupying American military forces, they can easily be moved to fishing boats which would put them in range of Tokyo. The President promised that any attack on Dokdo would see Tokyo destroyed "in a sea of fire".

Following the President's visit the coming days will no doubt feature senseless military posturing by Tokyo, but the Japanese people must ask themselves why none of their leaders have ever visited Dokdo. The simple answer is that behind Japan's blatant and shallow attempts to manipulate their populations with patriotism, which everyone knows is the last refuge of the scoundrel, the Japanese really don't care about Dokdo or its 126,000 people, who are all Korean.

Many are now calling for Lee to visit Ieodo next before China can launch a preemptive attack against the submerged Korean island.

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