Google's Devious Plan to Humiliate Korea

Google approached Go champion and hero of the Korean people Lee Se-dol late last year to play a match, but tricked him with an offer of $1 million dollars in prize money. Even more deviously, the giant technology company did not tell him who exactly his opponent would be, apparently betting that Lee would not ask due to Koreans' well-known polite manners.

In a further sign of their ill intentions, Google rented the hotel venue through an event agency and did not mention that it would be used to subject the Korean people to the kind of humiliating and traumatic experience not seen since the Japanese invasion in 1910 and the sexual slavery of Korean women which followed.

Google's new motto is "Do the right thing", but apparently this doesn't apply to Koreans. Instead, Google skulked around Korea secretly planning this country's humiliation. This is a clear example of racism. The Google DeepMind CEO secretly gave a lecture at KAIST - the Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology - advocating artificial intelligence, and Google co-founder Sergey Brin paid a surprise visit to Korea after the fourth match, turning up on Korea's doorstep unexpectedly like an embarrassing relative at Chuseok, once he knew Korea had been beaten like a comfort woman. Google's aim was clearly to maintain the element of surprise, just like the Japanese in 1941 at Pearl Harbor.

After their sneak attack on Korea without formally declaring war, Google's corporate value rose more than 58 trillion won, and the international media published thousands of articles on Korea's historic humiliation by Google's machmen.

Google allegedly began to develop it's AlphaGo artificial intelligence system to bolster the ability of search engines to forecast the intentions of Internet users. But now it has become clear that the true intent was always to launch a vicious and unprovoked kill by numbers attack on the Korean people. Indeed, it is now obvious that Google was never founded to be a search engine company as it has claimed, but rather that behind this cover story the primary purpose of the organization was always the destruction of Korea. That Google hides its true intentions behind an elaborate global advertising and mobile software business demonstrates the size of the international conspiracy against the Korean people.

During the match, Google made Lee jump through hoops, which really affected his concentration and made it difficult to play. Meanwhile, as Lee jumped through these hoops, Google went to its foreign bank, laughing at Korea all the way there before it deposited its money.

It is said that Lee merely netted 187 million won, but its trickery against the Korean people generated trillions of won for Google. This represents a sinister new economic development in the relationship between companies and people, and may set a precedent for other people to be paid money by organizations while the organization paying them benefits more.

Google ultimately treated Lee as something of a pawn in its artificial intelligence experiment, which was typical of the company's cultural insensitivity when the game was Korean Go, not American chess.

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North Korea in Plea to Tea Party

A North Korean web site unveiled video footage on Saturday in which one of its submarine-launched ballistic missiles destroys Washington D.C., in an apparent attempt to court Tea Party support during the U.S. election season.

Tea Party members have been calling for the destruction of Washington for some time, but unlike North Korea had failed to develop a nuclear program, instead believing that talking for very long periods of time during meetings was the most effective method of destroying the U.S. Government.

Pyongyang's strategy may be misplaced, as the Tea Party looks set to be defeated by the Tall Boy party, led by the aging South Korean property developer and turn tables expert, DJ Trump.

South Korean experts have reassured citizens that if Washington is destroyed in a nuclear attack the fallout will pose no risk to Seoul.

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Spartan 3000: Embarrassment as New South Korean Unit Gives Away Vital Military Secret

There was embarrassment in government circles today as the news of the formation of a new military unit appeared to give away vital details of South Korea's military strategy against North Korea in the event of an attack.

Early this morning it was announced that the South Korean Marine Corps had formed a new mobile unit assigned to counterattack North Korea in the event of Pyongyang initiating hostilities against the South. However, it was announced that military leaders had named the unit "Spartan 3000", as it consisted of 3,000 troops, thus revealing to the North Korean military how many South Korean soldiers to expect in any counterattack against Northern targets.

"We usually didn't tell the enemy the size of our planned attacks", said 67-year-old former General Kim, who later asked us to to quote him anonymously after this article had gone to press.

The military also announced that the troops will be based in the southeastern coastal city of Pohang, it will take them up to a day to counterattack, and their mission will be to destroy important North Korean military facilities.

"In the past, it would have taken 48 hours to counterattack" said a military official, "but now we've reduced this to 24 hours". A spokesman for the North Korean military thanked his Southern counterpart, saying they would update their defense plans with this new information.

In a press conference later this morning, the South Korean military spokesman said that the naming of the unit after a famous male "ultra sexual enhancement product which will not cause any headache!" was entirely coincidental, and nobody in the South Korean senior military ranks had ever heard of Spartan 3000 before independently coming up with the name.

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