Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Lonely Koreans Hire Dates

The practice of hiring dates is gaining popularity among Koreans as people find personal interactions increasingly difficult during their busy lives.

Spring can be a bittersweet season for some Korean singles who see couples and their phones chirping under cherry blossoms. Many Koreans - especially that single friend of yours - believe that being alone is something to be ashamed of, when they aren't necessarily alone because of their personality, although in your friend's case, it probably is.

For Park, the president of a large organization in Seoul, spring is just another reminder of her loneliness. She posted a message on the Korean social networking site Facebok, saying she would like to hire a "fake boyfriend" for one day so she could go out and look at the flowers with someone.

The required activities would include not taking any photos and having dinner privately together. Another condition, she added, was to hold hands. Around 20 men and women responded to Park's message, and she picked one of them to spend the day with her. Sadly, she had to cut short the date and rush back to her office due to a crisis.

In another case, a female college student, Kim 25, said she would pay the minimum wage of 6,030 won per hour for someone to act as her boyfriend for a day, as she is too busy to have a boyfriend due to her studies and minimum wage job in a well-known bakery chain with an active legal department. Other offers similar to Kim's can easily be found on social networks, though it can be difficult to be chosen.

Experts say this new phenomena is becoming common among the young as they are increasingly unaccustomed to making new friends, and getting into romantic relationships and making new enemies.

Professor Noh (57), of Korea International University, said "children these days depend too much on their parents", and they should not try to call him again. He also added that "there is a widespread belief that one has to have money in order to be in a relationship, which is not untrue."

Related Links
Lonely young Koreans hire dates
Stolen Korean Idea Facebook Floats
Facebook and Facebok Ten Years On
South Korea Elects First Robot President
朴槿恵大統領が旅客船沈没当日、行方不明に…誰と会っていた?
Japan reporter denies libelling S Korea's Park Geun-hye

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Ancient Korean food comes to life in Japan after 13 centuries

Everybody knows about the stuff
The importance of following proper storage procedures for Korean food was highlighted today after an ancient Korean dish from 13 centuries ago suddenly came back to life and tried to eat nearby diners.

After the ancient Korean food came back to life, the Japanese hosts sighed and said "oh no, not again!". There has been speculation that if we knew why the Japanese had thought 'oh no, not again!" as the ancient Korean food lunged towards them, we would know a good deal more about the dubious nature of the Japanese than we do now. What is known, is that Japanese often sigh between Korean dishes.

It is believed the ancient delicacies were originally presented to Japan in the hope of forging a lasting harmony between the two neighboring countries. The Japanese failure to eat the dish is therefore the cause of 1,300 years of trouble caused by the Japanese against Korea. The existence of the ancient Korean food proves that Japan's rude and uncivilized behavior dates back further than previously thought.

The ancient Korean food which escaped today was originally taken to Japan - which was then called East Korea - as part of the migration of Yakwang, the prince of Goguryeo Dynasty (37 B.C. to 668 A.D.) and his followers.

The descendants of Yakwang, who now call themselves Japanese, have been told that while they should not approach the any ancient Korean food which comes back to life - especially after 13 centuries - it should be relatively harmless as it is only likely to attack non-Koreans.

The ancient Korean food, which is being called "The Stuff", was last seen heading towards Tokyo. Scientists believe it is a living, parasitic, and possibly sentient organism that gradually takes over the brain, mutating those who eat it into bizarre zombie-like creatures, before consuming them from the inside and leaving them empty shells of their former selves, a medical condition Korean doctors refer to as "Hagwon".

Japanese Self-Defense Forces are expected to attempt to engage the Korean food within the next few hours in order to prevent it reaching open water and turning it into a guk.

Related Links
Ancient Korean food comes to life in Japan after 13 centuries
The Stuff

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Whining foreigners, racism and in-between

Fools die
Some things should be best left unsaid, but as journalists we usually go the other way. Our recent aditorial "Ugly Foreigners" two weeks ago opened up a can of worms which can be easily fought with Kim's Anti-Foreign Worm Cream (Please see disclaimers - may cause drowsiness, excessive localized hair growth, and piercing screaming episodes).

For some reason the issue of racism spilt over inadvertently after our "Ugly foreigners" editorial. Why do foreign troublemakers want to cause trouble in Korea by whining and crying racism every time someone says foreigners are ugly and rapists? Perhaps because they are racist.

Our aditorial concerned angry foreign road rage drivers. Some ugly foreigners seem to think that when foreign non-citizens do something wrong we print it, whereas if a Korean citizen did the same thing it would not be printed. It is of course, completely untrue that we don't racially bias our stories. An "ugly foreigner" story is good for circulation, whereas an "ugly Korean" story is not. Without good circulation we might die, and we are sure ugly foreigners do not want us to die, otherwise what kind of guest would you be? Maybe the kind of guest who should leave Korea immediately.

Many foreign troublemakers sent us their whining responses. We tried to accommodate these responses here as much as possible within our space constraints (if any edition of the Dokdo Times becomes too full it can make mobile devices too heavy to pick up when our newspaper is loaded on them). Some of the whiny responses we received have been edited, especially where this makes them look silly. A pure-blooded Korean patriot also wrote to us supporting our position against ugly foreigners, and we are printing his letter too.

We are continuing our coverage of this issue to encourage members of our society - and foreigners - to speak about it, rather than pigeonholing their doubts, misunderstandings, suspicions, paranoia, sexual deviancy, fnord and criminal tendencies in their emotional compartment to the point they become dangerous separatists.

Historically, there have been many cases of foreign racism gone wild in Korea and we need to learn from this. Perhaps these foreigners are responsible for what is happening in the Middle East. Historically, most racially-motivated wars and massacres in the world have been caused by foreigners, not by Koreans. This is fact.

We do not believe our society is a perfect utopia, although obviously we mention this word because we actually think it is quite close. We hope that by engaging in honest and civilized dialog now, perhaps we can keep your difference from us turning into racial hatred and you can walk away before things get as ugly as an ugly foreigner. Seriously, walk away, now.

Whatever these ugly foreigners say, we note that there are many times more people in the so-called silent majority on this issue, and everyone knows that the majority in Korea is Koreans, not foreigners, and as Koreans they agree with me and what I write. We invite the silent majority to write to foreignersdie@dokdotimes.con to support me.

Readers' letter: Foreign troublemakers
Dear Sir,

Koreans are way too lenient to foreigners. The foreigners' mentality is that they can get away with anything because the law is too lenient and they abuse drugs in South Korea. I once watched news about a fight in Itaewon where a policeman was trying to stop them but failed. Maybe these foreigners are controlling and weakening our police as part of an international Jewish conspiracy.

What makes these foreigners think that Koreans are being racist when they are the ones who break the law in this country, not Koreans, who never break Korean laws. Foreigners are destroying this country and plan to take over the world. Korea must stop the foreign Jew trying to take over the world.

As a university student, what shocked me the most was that most foreign professors can't speak Korean, the world's most scientific and easy to learn language, when they've been here for more than four years, which is only how long it took me to learn Korean, despite being a baby. Why don't they think about how rewarding it would be to learn to speak Korean so they can talk properly to people like me? By refusing to learn Korean they are denying themselves the opportunity to know me when there is clearly much they can learn from me and other pure-blooded Koreans like me. I interrogated my professors why they don't learn Korean, and called campus security, but the security people wouldn't arrest them, probably because they are communists. The foreign communist infiltrator influence is everywhere.

I once went to a convenience store where an owner told me that she was worried about a foreign professor who drinks a lot. Why are these foreign professors drinking a lot in Korea? Why do so many of them seem to drink a lot after classes with me? Why are Korean doctors working in convenience stores when foreign Jew professors are teaching in universities?

I've been abroad and foreigners aren't nice.

L.A. Kim

Related Links
Whining, racism and in-between (II)
Whining, racism and in-between
Ugly Foreigners
The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners
Do Koreans Look Good in Nazi Uniforms?

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Korean Porn Site Shutdown Highlights Nation's Poor IT and Cultural Knowledge

Hand job
The shutdown of Korea's largest porn site has highlighted the poor state of the nation's IT skills and cultural knowledge, according to experts.

The Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency (SMPA) said they shut down Soranet last Friday and booked 69 people who were suspected of violating a string of laws by using the site. Soranet was notorious for its illicit photos taken by hidden cameras, as is the SMPA, who are believed to have been unhappy with the competition.

The Korean porn site was originally located in the United States. The decision to locate a pornographic web site in a country which is so repressed citizens in some regions regularly masturbate to the Bible is seen as an indictment of the Korean school system, and a misunderstanding of the idea that America is the "land of the free" - a statement which was not intended to be about sexually liberal values but rather the basis of American corporate employee salary theory. And while the home of the brave was burned down and his wife sold into sexual slavery, this is rarely depicted in videos watched by the illegal immigrants who now control the country.

After Soranet's owners became aware of the investigation in the Untied States, the site was moved to the Netherlands as it was thought the country's intangible nature would confuse Korean police. However, the Netherlands is actually a real place and contrary to popular belief in Korea items placed there can be physically found.

Korea's IT experts both said that placing an illegal porn site in countries whose police are bound to cooperate with Korean police was a mistake, and that the owners should have placed it in an war-ravaged country like Ukraine or Japan. They could have also masked their site by making it part of the Kimchi Network, a porn-ridden privacy-focused Internet system created by the Korean Navy to combat boredom on ships, which requires the difficult to swallow Kimchi Browser to access.

Police in Seoul were said to have finally decided to act to close Soranet after conducting a joint investigation with their U.S. counterparts, although ultimately no link was found between pornography and drug use. After police seized the the porn server in the Nether region, the site went down on its owners as they had apparently failed to keep a backup, although police fear another opening. The site's homepage now shows engineers working on an old cathode ray tube monitor with two wrenches. Experts are divided on whether this is likely to fix the problem.

Soranet was said to have had over one million registered users at the time of its suspension, who have now been left hanging after it went down. Professor Kim (57), an expert in sex at Seoul International University, cautioned people about the dangers of pornography, and that it is no substitute for physically-intimate relationship with another person. "Unlike a website, a Korean woman will never go down on you" said Professor Kim.

Related Links
Police shut down foreign server of S. Korea's largest porn site
sora.net
Tor (anonymity network)
Outrage Over Foreign Nudity in ‘Sex Park’ on Jeju Island
Love Land (South Korea)

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Celebration to Mark 70 Years of Democracy in Korea Planned

Flower power
Korea is approaching 70 years of democracy, and the government is beginning to plan celebrations for this momentus event in 2018.

The upcoming elections on April 13 mark the 20th National Assembly elections since the first elections were held back on May 10, 1948, which were supported by an overwhelming majority of South Koreans who survived the mass killings of those who didn't support the elections.

Controversy over the elections in 1948 was caused by citizens mistakenly believing that the unilateral election process, which only took place in the U.S. controlled part of Korea, would lead to war, when in fact there wasn't a war for another two years, proving these citizens completely wrong.

The always troublesome and not-really pure-blooded Jeju islanders particularly saw the election as a unilateral attempt by the United States military government to separate the southern regime and to employ its first president, Syngman Rhee, but police fired on and killed the Jeju demonstrators, therefore helping them participate in the election process rather than leaving them feeling excluded.

The killing of the demonstrators led to larger demos on Jeju, and approximately 10% of the island's population - around 30,000 people - who didn't want to participate in the election were granted their wishes, permanently.

The killing of demonstrators is now considered a traditional aspect of Korean society, and has recently been awarded the status of Intangible Cultural Property No. 120, with the annual Jeju Island Torture and Execution Festival a popular attraction for domestic tourists, although foreigners are generally discouraged from attending, and photographs are not allowed.

Since 1948 protests and demos have been a constant feature of Korean society, and 'Korean demo-cracy' and its near 70-year history has become well-known around the world. Some citizens are hoping that the anniversary celebrations in 2018 will include a hugely popular aspect of Korea's unique democratic history, the elected military government.

A spokesman for the Election Commission, which tries to encourage demonstrations around the time of elections by prohibiting political discussion by citizens, said "We hope you are enjoying the spring weather and beautiful flowers".

Related Links
Korea is now approaching 70 years of democracy
South Korean Constitutional Assembly election, 1948
Jeju Uprising
Jinju Suicide Festival Draws Fire
Middle East Uprisings Alarm Korean Leadership

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Correction: An earlier version of this article wrongly named Syngman Rhee as Strongman Rhee due to an autocorrect error. We apologize for any confusion caused by our reference to the former syngman.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Koreans Move to Northern Europe to Escape Koreans

A growing number of young Koreans are moving to Northern Europe to escape a growing number of Koreans in other regions of the world.

In the past Koreans emigrated to the Australia, New Zealand or Western Europe, and even to enemy countries such as Japan, China and the U.S. to avoid other Koreans, but now there are so many Koreans in these countries they are becoming unattractive destinations to Koreans. Many Koreans also feel that the so-called ANZWEJCUS countries are becoming increasingly xenophobic.

The attraction of Northern European countries such as Denmark and those other countries above it is that there are few Koreans there, so Koreans can emigrate and not have to face the stifling xenophobia of other Koreans. According to the Foreign Ministry, the number of Koreans living in Northern European countries has doubled from 2,123 in 2007 to 4,113 in 2013, but the numbers could be higher with many Koreans not revealing their final locations after emigrating, in order to avoid the region they settle in becoming a target for Seoul's Korean Wave initiatives.

However, not much is known about Northern European countries in Korea, with a significant number of people not making it beyond local airports in their attempts to catch flights to Scandinavia. Koreans already living in Northern Europe have warned other Koreans to stay away as it could be hell.

Many Koreans leaving for Northern Europe also cite their social values and growing disillusionment with with intense competition in Korean society for limited opportunities. The government says it is considering offering help to people considering emigrating to Northern Europe, by working with Northern European governments to create a lottery that awards places in Northern Europe to winning Korean citizens.

Related Links
More Young Koreans Move to Northern Europe
Koreans Endure Record Commutes

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Dokdo Land Prices Rise by 494 Percent Since 2011

Chinese passenger ferry
With Dokdo's population rapidly approaching 319,557, land prices in Dokdo City and surrounding areas are soaring.

One Dokdo plot of land which was priced at W165,000 per square meter in 2011 has risen to W980,000 this year - a rise of 494 percent. Despite the rise and the plot's proximity to Dokdo International Airport, developers are still hoping to purchase it, although the owner - whose family name is Kimura - says he still does not wish to sell.

There were fears during the last two years that land prices on Dokdo were part of a speculative bubble fueled by offshore resource exploration, which would collapse alongside the collapsing oil price. But while the price of Dokdo Oil & Gas (DOG.DO ▾ 7.6%) has halved on the Dokdo Stock Exchange since August 2014, a massive rise in the number of Chinese tourists has helped keep the local economy booming.

Chinese people are also contributing more directly to spiraling land prices, with a number of Chinese citizens purchasing significant parts of the less-developed island of West Dokdo, which lies closer to China. Land prices on West Dokdo may receive a significant boost later this year if Seoul agrees to the request by the People's Liberation Army Navy (PLAN) to start a direct passenger ferry service from Qingdao.

Meanwhile East Dokdo is benefiting from significant defense spending as the island lies closer to Japan and an attack by the rogue pacifist nation has been feared to be imminent for the last several years. Speculative interest in Dokdo plots is expected to continue.

Related Links
Commercial Real Estate Prices Going Through the Roof
Urgent! Samurai Warriors Coming to Dokdo!
Japanese Invasion of Korea Pushed Back at Gimpo
Dokdo Plans International Airport
South Korean Island Grows Wary After Welcoming the Chinese

Disclaimer: Please note the links above are generated automatically by our software and may not always be directly related to the news article.