Shock as President Lee Myung-bak Recalled for Military Duty

A government attempt to crack down on draft-dodging appeared to spectacularly fail late last night after it was revealed that Lee Myung-bak had been recalled to complete his mandatory* military service. The 70 year-old President only completed three weeks of his training in the 1960s after developing a bad cough, but shortly after his release from the military, he joined Hyundai and was apparently well enough to go to Thailand and participate in a construction project.

Advisers to the Military Manpower Authority said it was not clear why the founder of the "fair society" initiative wasn't recalled to military service at the time, but legal advisers have recommended that the crackdown on draft-dodging should be applied retrospectively, even in the President's case.

Privately, generals have said that if the President could fight in the National Assembly, where the battles are often physical and bloody, he could certainly fight in a military unit where soldiers are mostly expected to beat juniors who – unlike lawmakers – are not allowed to fight back. There are hopes within the ruling party that the President's combat experience in politics may be taken into account, reducing the time he is require to serve again.

Last week, experts called on the military to accept that a multicultural army will replace its focus on racial purity, and it is thought that by completing his service the President – who was born in Japan under the name Tsukiyama Akihiro – can demonstrate what a happy socially integrated society Korea has become.

While the President's age may limit the amount of beatings his superiors can subject him to without requiring hospitalization, there are few concerns about his fitness. According to the little-read left-wing Hankyoreh newspaper, Lee Myung-bak has the heart of a younger man, in a jar on his desk. He probably also won't be required to undergo front-line duties, and will instead gain his combat experience in a military unit which provides entertainment programs, joining top K-pop star Rain who also wanted to be an active duty soldier. Military leaders will be hoping that while the President is undergoing his tough mandatory* service, he may entertain troops by repeating the success of the earlier work he penned – Four Rivers and Seventeen Funerals.

There are also hopes that the President's service will also demonstrate to future conscripts that allegations the military modeled its human resources policies on mafia-like criminal gangs are overblown. After Rain began his mandatory* military service as a 'Promotional Ambassador' an official with the Military Manpower Administration said "We hope that his exemplary military service will contribute to encouraging young men to fulfill their own military duty." Last year, Rain was voted the world's most influential person for the third time, and according to the Ministry of Culture, Rain is mentioned thousands of times every day in foreign news reports around the world.

It is understood that in line with his "fair society" initiative, the President expects no special favors during his service, and will be paid the average monthly wage of conscripted soldiers – 100,000 won ($88), in addition to his presidential salary.

Lee Myung-bak's re-enlistment is likely to set a precedent for other lawmakers, a number of whom are also accused of being draft dodgers after avoiding military service due to a variety of reasons which include coughs, mental illness and inflammation involving envelopes of cash. But off the record some hit back at the development – one 61 year-old lawmaker who only gave his family name as Kim, said that the public should elect clever politicians, not the kind who are stupid enough to waste up to two years of their lives doing military service. "If you can't even bribe a doctor, what hope have you in politics?" he asked.

The President was unavailable for comment as he currently has a sore throat, but aides sought to assure the public – especially those who undertook their own mandatory* military service – that he would report for duty as soon as he was well enough.

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* Exceptions may apply to the famous and well-connected. Offer not open to North Korean defectors or women.

'Sunshine Policy Only Lasted 9 Minutes' Claim

Sunshine - We Deliver

A close advisor to two liberal former presidents has written a new book which aims to restore the reputation of the battered 'Sunshine Policy', named after the nuclear fire which sunshine is associated with - and which the policy was expected to lead to. Liberals even came to use the term themselves after its original name - the 'Appeasement Plan' was found to play badly with voters, although they later tried to claim that the new name was merely weather-related.

The goal of the policy - widely backed by pro-North sympathizers - was to send aid to North Korea on the pretext that the military-first regime would gradually reform and become democratic, while really understanding it would buy their Northern brothers enough time to develop a decisive nuclear capability which would ultimately force unification on their own terms. But the policy gradually became discredited as Pyongyang failed to reform in any way and instead continued issuing nuclear threats against Seoul before it was actually ready to attack - giving South Korean voters time to react at the ballot box.

Now the close advisor to the former presidents, 64 year-old Professor Kim, says that despite running through two five-year largely pro-North terms, the 'Sunshine Policy' was never really given a chance to succeed, because contrary to everyone else's belief, it didn’t last ten years after all, but in fact only 9 minutes.

"When Kim Dae-jung came to office it took us a long time to find things like paperclips and get our chairs adjusted properly. Then, six minutes after we launched the Sunshine Policy, George W. Bush came to power and of course his first act was to declare a war on sunshine." explained Professor Kim. "Then Bush was thrown out from office by the people in the Hope Revolution, but three minutes later Kim Dae-jung's ideological successor Roh Moo-hyun had to leave office because of the unfortunate way our democratic system works, and he was replaced by Korea's version of George W. Bush, Lee Myung-bak."

Kim says that once Lee Myung-bak came to power he raised the issue of human rights in North Korea, which the liberal administrations in Seoul had always been careful to ignore - despite the fact they fought for human rights in the South under the authoritarian government. The North then became angry and started attacking South Korea even more, destroying the hope that eventually Pyongyang would move from threatening to destroy Seoul in a sea of fire to promising to bury it in a sea of candy. But liberals in the South now believe that peace with the authoritarian government in the North is more important than the human rights of its citizens. "The authoritarian regime in South Korea was right-wing, but the authoritarian regime in North Korea is left-wing." explained Professor Kim.

Despite the claim that President Bush worked tirelessly every day on his War Against Sunshine, some people still believe that the two liberal administrations can't blame all their failings on the American leader. But Professor Kim explains that even without Bush other problems afflicted Korean politicians. "People forget now that our terms unluckily coincided with two World Cups - which were obviously quite distracting - then the President lost his pen for a couple of weeks and couldn't write anything, we lost the keys to the office once and of course there were all those Windows Updates to do as well."

These days Professor Kim is relatively sanguine about the brutal American attack on South Korea during his time helping its two besieged liberal leaders, but he hopes that his book "provides an alternate view of history from the one people are familiar with, which will in turn remind Korean voters of how close we came to actually really having a Sunshine Policy." But some bitterness does shine through. "We would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those darn kids." he added.

Professor Kim's book "The Sunshine Policy: In Defense of Appeasement as a Path to Peace in Korea and Free Puppies for Everyone" is released next week.

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Government to Ban Alcohol Sales from Schools

The government will ban sales of alcohol in schools under new rules, the Ministry of Health and Welfare has announced. Violators will be subject to fines of up to 3 million won ($2,583) - more than the cost of most foreign beers. A ministry spokesman said that many schools already voluntarily choose not to sell alcohol.

The Ministry claimed the move has long been planned, but it comes shortly after Korea's global sporting sensation 22 year-old Kim Yu-na started teaching in a Gangnam school as part of her studies. Kim had also recently become a spokeswoman for Hite - who produce the best selling brand of domestically produced beer - sparking concerns over the promotion of alcohol to youngsters, especially given the significant rise of anti-social behavior among this age-group, which was previously limited to the children of chaebol-owners. The company were thought to be about to launch a new promotion encouraging people to quietly appreciate their beer, but the 'Shhh! Hite' campaign is now expected to be postponed.

Teachers unions have criticized the move. "Drinking is the only thing that gets me through the day" said Kim, a 43 year-old physical education instructor at a school in Seoul. However, there has been increasing concern within the teaching profession that selling alcohol in schools may contribute to a breakdown of discipline which began when liberal lawmakers banned the use of corporal punishment, apparently failing to understand the lesson of the last two decades of South Korea's history with the North - namely that the threat of violence works. While the Seoul education office released a guidebook on how to deal with unruly students following the ban, teachers said it wasn't thick enough to have any effect.

The Ministry say they will also ban the sale and drinking of alcohol in hospitals, despite fears it may lead to national shortages of ethyl alcohol.

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Road Deaths Plummet Following National Taxi Strike

The number of people killed on South Korea's roads plummeted yesterday after the nation's taxi drivers called a 24-hour strike to protest low taxi fares, loneliness, and the high price of liquefied petroleum gas (LPG), which many of the drivers prefer to soju.

It's estimated that 86.3% of the country's taxi drivers joined the strike, with the others said to be too hung over to realize what day it was. In the afternoon, up to 30,000 taxi drivers converged for a protest in front of Seoul City Hall, although the ones who normally cater to tourists arrived late after circling the city several times first.

Drivers' unions says that because the numbers of taxis on the streets and in the subways has risen substantially over the last few years, it is difficult for drivers to always find customers and incomes have been squeezed, so fares must rise. Compounding the income problem, the union also said that rising fares were causing more people to take buses, and fares had to rise to offset this loss of income. Fares also needed to rise because with fewer customers, drivers were feeling lonely.

Some drivers are said to be earning as little as one million won a month ($867), although this can be offset by large bonus payments for picking up and recording drunk politicians late at night near the National Assembly Building with women they aren't related to.

Taxi companies are hoping that if fares are allowed to rise drivers with less questionable backgrounds might be attracted to the job - enlarging the pool of candidates from ex-convicts such as rapists and murderers to other criminals such as disgraced politicians and foreigners.

Despite some inconvenience, the strike was popular with many Seoul residents, who welcomed the opportunity to use the crosswalks in safety. Some were hoping the strike might eventually extend to the nation's motorbike riders, so that the sidewalks would be safe too. Hospitals also reported that admissions due to accidents dropped 41% and those due to air sickness dropped as much as 62%.

But the elderly were not as enthusiastic about the strike, even including those who don't work as taxi drivers. 67 year-old Kim said she had endured a difficult day as she normally spends her time traveling across Seoul pursuing her hobby of taxi queue-jumping, but because of the strike she had to spend her time in the subway instead.

To cope with the strike, Korea's transport ministry said more buses were run and subway operations were extended by one hour in Seoul and Busan, 30 minutes in Daegu, and 2 minutes in Gwangju.

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Nationwide Blackout to be Held to Prepare for Possible Nationwide Blackout

A nationwide blackout will be held tomorrow to prepare for possible nationwide blackouts which may occur during the summer due to high electricity demand and perfectly safe incidents at Korea's aging nuclear plants.

In the last two years it has become increasingly apparent that Korea does not have enough energy - not just because of all the late nights and drinking - but because politicians have been so busy with their own internal power struggles that they failed to plan ahead for the country's power needs. Meanwhile, the public demand for power has been an issue none of them naturally wanted to address.

But on 15th September last year, South Korea's power reserves mysteriously dropped minutes after the Korea Power Exchange (KPX), which is part of the government-owned Korea Electric Power Corp (KEPCO), took several power plants simultaneously off-line for scheduled maintenance in the middle of a heatwave. As danger levels were breached, KPX made the decision to cut off power to domestic users with a series of rolling blackouts, in order to protect its industrial customers and ensure Hyundai cars kept rolling off the production lines.

However, the intermixing of residential and commercial properties in parts of the grid also meant some businesses were also affected by the unscheduled blackouts, and the situation became more serious than a few thousand people suddenly stuck in elevators without working emergency lights - multiple PC rooms lost power, leaving many people stuck in virtual words - unable to get offline.

The breaking of the link between the online and offline worlds led to an unprecedented ceasefire between the Terrans, the Zerg and the Protoss as the 26th century's three major powers agreed to engage in search and rescue operations for their 21st century operators. But several gamers were reported lost during the blackout, as once the portal to their physical husks in the real world had closed, their online presence became disoriented - sinking so deep into digital space they were unable to find their way back when power was restored.

Specialists from KEPCO attended several major PC rooms and removed the gamers along with their computers, and they are now housed in a special facility near Seoul where it is hoped that one day a way can be found to bring them back to what people have been told to believe is the real world.

According to the online KPX emergency procedures manual, it will take two to three days to partially or fully recover the electricity supply in the event of a total blackout, because it takes this long to raise voltage to the proper level. In order of priority, electricity would be restored first to government offices, followed by military bases, telecommunication facilities, the media and then the subways, as it is important to ensure K-drama broadcasting is restored before people are rescued from being trapped underground. After this, power would be later be restored to residents of high-rise apartments, and then later, people in low-rise apartments who should live somewhere nicer.

In a handwritten note because his computer is turned off to save power - and it runs slowly due to being full of North Korean spyware anyway - 63 year-old Prime Minister Kim asked for “active participation” in the blackout before going on to add something which was undecipherable. But ministers have previously asked for people to stop demanding so much power. Government officials say they are doing their bit for the country by using as little energy as possible.

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The Shocking Reality About Foreign Hagwon Recruiters

Korean hagwons - seeking 10 or less

Korea has recently been rocked by an MBC program which was a little too honest for foreigners' delicate tastes in its editorial presentation about the shocking truth about relationships with them.

But while criminals can't vote, occasionally they do raise interesting questions. The question in this case left a handful of Koreans wondering whether racism and xenophobia have gone too far in an international media age where potentially one phlegm-ridden spit in the streets of Daegu towards a racially-mixed couple can be heard around the world.

The inherent racism of foreigners has long been well understood in Korea. They come here demanding to teach English to people who the results show clearly don't want to learn, and then they take Korean women as some kind of trophies to parade around like prisoners of a social system that requires unwilling Korean women to be polite and accommodating in the face of these foreigners' colonialist fantasies.

But what if foreigners are also racist to each other in Korea? According to The Korea Herald, recently a recruiter told a black American who applied for a 'teaching' position that he did not "work miracles" and could not get work for "wogs", which is a highly derogatory term for non-whites used in the U.K. - a former colonial power which willingly exported both racism and cricket around the world, neither of which it has ever apologized for.

Korea remains one of the only countries Britain never colonized, due to its strong resistance and England's crushing defeat by Korean naval forces during the Battle of Dokdo on May 13th 1883, a diversion which infamously allowed their allied American colonial vessel the USS Monocacy to sneak into the undefended Jemulpo Harbor and fire its guns at Korea 21 times.

In a move that appears to demonstrate foreigners are slowly assimilating into Korean culture, the recruiter explained that "I had 82 non-whites email me, I lost it." before going on to invoke the Korean criminal defense of 'being intoxicated' at the time of the incident - words which must resonate with all Korean hagwon owners if not wider Korean society. The outburst also clearly highlights the problematic issue of beer labeling in Korea. Bottles typically do not warn users that even moderate consumption can provoke the most liberal multiculturalist into racist outbursts using words they didn't even know and which certainly never cross their minds when sober.

The reality is however that people in Korea understand that not only can you not learn English from anyone with skin darker than a Korean, but in fact the only people who speak English properly are white North American passport holders, not people with other skin colors or from other countries.

Generally, hagwons are advised to adopt the Von Luschan scale when assessing the qualifications of applicants, with those judged from one to ten on the scale clearly being the best English teachers, and those on 22 or more clearly not being able to teach anything at all. However, there is some flexibility and among the brown colors the so-called 'fawn factor' can also come into play, which is where the ranking of a famous foreigner with dark skin can be moved lower down the scale in honor of their public position, thus qualifying them to teach English in Korea after all. For example, if Will Smith ever announced he wanted to teach in Korea, there would clearly be no problem with that, or with Hines Ward, even though he is half-Korean and half-black.

Several years ago a South Korean delegation to the North was criticized over the South's apparent willingness to dilute the Korean bloodline with these foreigners. The South Korean delegation did however explain to their northern counterparts that this dilution was "but a drop of ink in the Han River", which both delegations agreed was the best place for foreigners. Last week, North Korea - which many believe practices Koreanism in its purest form, undiluted by foreign influences - separated its citizens into 51 groups for discrimination - one more than the number used in the U.S. state discrimination system - prompting Seoul to announce it was considering a similar plan.

But experts believe this shows Washington and the Canadian capital need to think carefully about implementing a formal plan of their own. If North American passport holders held different passport statuses based on the color of their skins, it would be much easier for companies and recruiters in Korea to specify exactly what type of passport holder they are looking for. The alternative is for the Korean government to issue different classes of visa based on skin color. To an extent it already does this, but the system is not formalized, and no doubt if it was, foreigners would accuse Korea of racism.

Fortunately for Korean society, foreign English teachers turned recruiters have proven themselves more than willing to enforce racially discriminatory practices ensuring that teaching jobs largely remain the preserve of their fellow white men, providing this country with a level of deniability in the face of international criticism which should be utilized more. Perhaps if racism occasionally exists in Korea, it is actually because of foreigners, not Koreans.

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Anger as Apple Declares Dokdo Japanese Territory

Korea's Dokdo City - Visible from Space

Residents of Dokdo have expressed their outrage after discovering that the latest version of Apple's iPhone mobile operating system, iOS6, has declared that the Dokdo Islands are Japanese territory and should now be known as 'Takeshima', a name no-one in Korea has ever heard of.

The move is the second time Apple has brutally attacked the Korean people using their phones. In November 2010, people were shocked when maps of the East Sea on the iPhone showed Dokdo without a name, but this was eventually explained as the islands not needing a name because everyone around the world - including the Japanese if they were to be honest - knows they are called Dokdo and nothing else.

Apple previously used Google to provide its maps, but recently switched to 'INCREMENT P CORP' - an angry Japanese company which apparently wants to remap the world as it was in the early 1940s. But they have clearly made an elementary mistake in their rush to smother the truth in perverse propaganda, because while most of Korea was brutally occupied by the colonial Japanese until 1945, it is a matter of easily proven historical fact that Dokdo alone succeeded in holding out against Japanese forces - which is why Dokdo City served as a temporary Korean capital until after mainland Korea liberated itself.

Korea's Dokdo is not the only territory Apple appears to have attacked as part of the Japanese plot. Gibraltar - Britain's Dokdo - has also been omitted. However, the population of Gibraltar is only around 30,000 whereas the population of Dokdo is almost 100,000. Clearly the greater insult is aimed at Korea. Nevertheless, British people have still taken to the streets in an outpouring of anger, threatening to boycott Apple products and cut their fingers off in protest.

But it is unlikely that the Korean and British governments will be able to coordinate their defense against Apple, as last year Korea threatened to rename the area around Britain's Falkland Islands the 'Malvinas Sea', in recognition of Argentina's claim to the tiny South Atlantic territory. Argentina - which was colonized by Spanish settlers while the indigenous South American population was ethnically cleansed - says the islands are an obscene reminder of colonial history. The move clearly upset the British government, which said nothing on the subject.

But while Britain is so industrially weak compared to Korea it even lacks its own mobile phone manufacturer, the Dokdo issue has created a moral dilemma for many iPhone-using Koreans, who want their phones to be foreign and aspirational, but not their islands. Many may now be forced to buy the domestically produced Korean Galaxy III, which is newer and more powerful but less foreign.

Apple recently tried to block the Korean Galaxy III from sale in the US in order to suppress the truth about Dokdo, but failed this week when the case went up against a Korean judge.

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Tenth Anniversary of Girls Killed by US Military

It has been ten years now since two young Korean girls were run over by an armored US military vehicle on June 13th 2002 while walking side by side along Rural Road 56, tragically ending their short lives. It was an incident that raised questions in the left-wing media about the basic nature of the South Korea-US alliance, and one which enabled them to sell more newspapers.

The killing led to the country's first candlelit vigils, and raised hopes that American forces would be thrown out of South Korea, paving the way for unification with the North. But ten years later, there is considerable disappointment on the left that the girls' deaths haven't been politically exploited as they should have been.

However, there has been further disappointment for The Hankyoreh newspaper on the anniversary of the deaths this year. When their reporters phoned up the mother of one of the girls to tell her they were coming on June 6th to stir up memories of the incident, she replied "You don't have to come. It's not anything good. You don't have to come." When reporters went to their small village anyway and further suggested she attend a tenth anniversary memorial being held in Seoul to revive those painful memories, she said "I don't want to go."

"When I look at it now, it doesn't seem like the USFK was in the wrong. Our children made a mistake." said the mother. The Hankyoreh believes that she may have assigned "some blame" to the victims out of a desire to see the reporter off.

Disappointed with this reaction, reporters then chased her frail husband out of a field and into his house. He didn't say a word, but made it clear through the use of hand gestures that he didn't wish to speak, despite the considerable trouble the reporters had gone to to travel to their house. But the newspaper believes that he developed cancer after seeing his daughter "die before him".

After failing to obtain helpful quotes from the first family, the reporters then traveled to demand the second family speak to them, but the second girl's older brother was equally unhappy to see them, saying for some reason "I've often felt used". The girl's father, who tries to avoid meeting with the press, was apparently not at home - perhaps because he had heard reporters were roaming around the area.

The newspaper expressed its disappointment at how their minds had apparently changed so radically since they attended the first memorial in 2003.

According to the Ministry of Public Safety, when confronted by a Hankyoreh journalist, you should stand your ground and not run, as running will stimulate the journalist to attack, since this is how most prey animals respond in such situations. Try to stand tall, do not look them in the eyes or speak, and back away slowly.

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Foreigner Arrested at Airport Carrying Drugs

Police say they have arrested a foreigner after he was found to be carrying illegal drugs during an airport search.

The tourist was arrested by Canadian police during a check at Vancouver International Airport on Friday, according to Seoul's local consulate office. The 28 year-old, only identified by his family name of Kim, was apprehended while trying to leave Canada after a four-day visit. He was scheduled to stop in Japan before returning to his home in South Korea.

Drugs are illegal in South Korea, except for mind-altering substances such as medical stimulants, tobacco and alcohol whose use is not only legal but almost mandatory in Korean society. But authorities are attempting to crack down on medical stimulants, as human flesh pills were recently officially banned from sale.

It is not known what type of drugs 28 year-old Kim was caught in possession of, but there seems little doubt he purchased them from foreigners while in Canada, raising serious questions over how these foreigners were permitted to sell dangerous substances to an innocent Korean tourist. There are fears that if foreign authorities do not take action, more Koreans may fall victim to these dangerous foreign criminals.

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Can a Korean Team Still Represent Korea with a Foreigner Playing?

If a foreign-born athlete who becomes a Korean citizen ends up representing Korea by playing for a Korean national team, is that team's inevitable victory on the playing field really a win for Korea, or a terrible loss? The theoretical question of whether a Korean team with a foreign member makes any such victory dirty and smelly has vexed Korea for years, and now the Korean Football Association believes it has the answer.

The issue was brought to a head last month when the Korean Olympic Committee rejected a bid by Brazilian footballer Eninho for special naturalization which would have allowed the K-League star to play for the national side. The KOC ruled against the application on the grounds that the player failed to demonstrate a basic understanding of the Korean language and Korean culture, although sources close to the organization said they were pleased to be able to advance his understanding of Korean culture by rejecting his application. The Ministry for Justice is now expected to exercise justice by following the KOCs recommendation.

Reacting to the result, a spokesman for the Korean Football Association - who asked not to be named - said that many conservative Korean people - of which of course he was not one - had difficultly with foreign-blooded players "having a different appearance from the general Korean public" representing Korea, even if they were Korean citizens.

Stressing that he was speaking his personal opinion rather than that of the organization he speaks for, the anonymous spokesman said that Korea was still not ready for foreign-born players donning the national colors. "It needs time to have a foreign player as a national player wearing the red shirt as a Korean representative, it needs time. It is not the right time or place, I think."

Many academics agree that it isn't racist to deny Korean citizens the opportunity to represent Korea in sporting events if the color of their skin is wrong - if it is simply an issue of the geological timing not being right. Wrongly colored, non pure-blooded Korean citizens have to overcome their ingrained racism and understand Korea's unique culture. It is generally agreed that the time will be right when there is public agreement, but naturally no-one can say when every member of the public will be in agreement over the issue and when such a referendum should therefore be held.

However, in the field of business, the ethnically pure waters are becoming muddied. The massive conglomerate Seongsan, which manufactures the blockbusting Korean Galaxy range of smartphones, quietly announced on Tuesday that its overseas (foreign) workers outnumbered domestic (pure-blooded) workers last year for the first time since its founding in 1969.

People are now asking if this means the Galaxy no longer belongs to Korea. The news led to a sharp sell-off in the KosPI - Korea's Pride Index - as investors reacted to the threat of foreign influence over the company, which many fear will inevitably make its products dirty and smelly. The Dokdo Times asked the Korean Football Association if it similarly believed that Seongsan could no longer represent Korea because of its foreign employees, but hadn't received a response at the time of publication.

But the involvement of foreigners in matters of defense issues are even more problematic. According to The Korea Times, alien invaders from the planet Gootan will arrive at Earth in November. After extensive research a recent strategic review in Korea aimed at countering the alien threat concluded that the most effective way of preventing an alien invasion would be to hire Will Smith. This has led to much soul searching among Koreans over the question of whether Korea should allow itself to be defended by a foreigner or whether it would be better to welcome our new alien overlords.

But one answer at least seems clear - the Korean Football Association has already said it does not want aliens to play for Korea, even if they become Korean citizens.

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MBC: ‘Shocking Foreigners’ Program Not Intended to be Racist, but Misogynistic

The MBC producer of the 'racist' TV program "Sesangbogi Sisigakgak" (Seeing the World, Minute by Minute) - which last week ran an episode called "The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners" - said that it was not meant to be anti-foreigner, but anti-women. He said he stands by his show and asked not to be named.

The piece intended to portray "Korean women who are out of their sense and get involved in these kinds of affairs" with foreigners, he said. With statistics showing that a growing number of Koreans are suffering from mental problems, MBC is campaigning for stupid Korean women who become romantically involved with foreigners and are therefore out of their minds to be given rapid psychological treatment.

"Too often, society does little to help these half-witted, immoral and subsequently diseased whores from getting the help they need" said an MBC commentator, who declined to be named. A source close to "Sesangbogi Sisigakgak" said that the tacit acceptance of mental illness has reached a point where women are even allowed to drive now. A later show plans to expose such 'female drivers', if enough photos of them naked can be taken through their apartment windows.

It isn't the first time MBC has been on the receiving end of unprovoked attacks from foreigners. Earlier this year, they came under pressure after it uploaded one of its 'blackface' videos to the international Youtube website, rather than only showing it domestically as is normal practice.

The producer said he didn't understand why foreigners were getting angry about 'The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners'. "Foreigner-Korean women couples are living happily, but why are they angry over an issue that has nothing to do with them? We had no intention to disparage foreigners."

An expert who conducts research into the subject of 'foreigners, Korean women and AIDS' agreed that "The issue in this case is not about foreigners. We have to understand they were born that way and it probably isn't their fault. What we have to address is shocking reality of these whores in Korea who apparently are willingly becoming race and blood traitors to the Korean people." It is believed the behavior is a sign that the so-called 'female consensual sex outbreak' is worsening.

Many on the streets of Seoul agreed. One man - who is from Busan but who asked not to be named because he is married, said "It is one thing for me to treat my wife as a whore as nature intended - and domestic laws require - but quite another for a woman to willingly enter into such a relationship with a foreigner."

There are fears that if Korean women start to take the initiative sexually, morals may even decline to a point where sex with them can no longer be easily paid for, coerced or forced. Just last year, a man received a suspended sentence after unbelievably being found guilty of raping his wife after stabbing her with a weapon, shockingly demonstrating that the legal system was apparently going soft on women, even in Busan, where men are regarded as real men - if slightly geographically challenged.

However, it does not mean that foreigners are blameless in this affair. Showing their lack of cultural understanding, they have criticized the broadcast for not citing sources, making wild suppositions, and even falsifying information - but this is standard academic practice in Korea and it is not clear why they believe a TV program should have to be more thorough than most Korean professors and students, especially considering the fact that everyone knows most foreign teachers faked their degree certificates so that they could come to Korea and spread AIDS.

Last year experts warned that South Korea may face the threat of terrorism from 'mixed-race children' if its ethnic minorities end up expressing their frustration over discrimination and scorn through terrorist acts.

One particular criticism these culturally ignorant potential terrorists made about the sole woman making the allegations in the program, was that she was only shown blurred and from the chest downwards, failing to understand that this is how women are commonly seen by Korean men and the show was only framing the shot in a way they were familiar with. It was not filmed this way because the woman isn't real and her story was made up by a scriptwriter.

"Please understand our unique culture." said an MBC spokesperson in an attempt to reach out to the foreign community and remind them that if they had a culture worth bothering about, they would want it to be understood too.

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"Please understand our unique culture."


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Flats for Foreigners Can't Find Tenants

The construction of more than 178 long-term rental apartments intended for expats In Southern Seoul has almost been completed, but the city-affiliated builder can't find residents as under the current law foreigners are not entitled to live anywhere nice.

Unlike short term rental apartments, longer term ones generally feature clean running water, insulated electrical wiring, and optional cockroaches. But foreigners are not eligible to rent long-term apartments because they are not meant to be staying here.

Legally, apartments built by public housing corporations must be offered to people on low-incomes who don't have houses registered under their names, but foreigners on low-incomes without houses registered under their names are not eligible to benefit from such public housing projects. As the law is specific on this point, it isn't clear why the city's government let the project go ahead in the first place, although at the time the project began in 2005 the then mayor, former construction boss Tsukiyama Akihiro - who is popularly known as Lee Myung-bak - said it was aimed at making Seoul more foreign-friendly.

According to a city council member, "It is wrong for the city government to use 100 billion won to establish luxury rental houses for expats, who are not even allowed legally to live in them while Korean homeless people are suffering." But the construction industry hit back, with a spokesman saying that without such projects, stockholders would suffer instead. Leaders of the construction industry also point out that in the last 20 years they have built hundreds of spacious subterranean dwellings for homeless people featuring excellent transport links.

A downturn in the construction industry in 2010 led to a delay in the already slow foreigner apartment project after Mayor Lee Myung-bak's successor, fearless anti-popularism warrior Oh Se-hoon, ordered a swimming pool, a golf range, and a fitness center to be also built in the complex. The decision was not popular, except with the construction companies.

With the national population expected to decline rapidly over the next 50 years due to falling birthrates, the construction industry says it still wants the government to support its 'one-person-one-building' goal.

Various local governments also feel it is important to continue building 'international cities' - essentially comprising of grouped apartments within city limits - where foreigners can live together in colonies away from the rest of society, ensuring that Korean residents can be protected from the spread of foreign cultures and other bacteria.

It is now feared that the 100 billion-won apartment project, which comprises of 10 buildings, will go unused.

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MBC Program Investigated After Spike in Hospital Visits

An MBC program broadcast in America as part of the Korean Wave is being investigated after it apparently led to a spike in hospital visits on Monday.

Doctors at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital said that a number of patients had suddenly arrived at their emergency room claiming they believed they were HIV positive or even had AIDS. On investigation the Chief of Diagnostic Medicine at the hospital discovered that all the patients had been watching the acclaimed K-drama 'God of War' (무신), and when the program was played very slowly, subliminal messages appeared every 300 frames, with messages such as 'All Americans have AIDS'.

These so-called 'blipverts' had apparently convinced what was left of American viewers' subconscious minds that they really did have AIDS, and while as foreigners this was statistically highly likely, it improbably transpired that they didn't, making their collective arrival at the hospital unusual.

MBC said that while they commissioned, produced and originally broadcast the program, the frames containing the anti-foreigner messages were produced by an outside company and were not their responsibility. Asked why they were inserted into the K-drama in the first place, MBC said it was important that as well as being entertaining, their shows carried an underlying message.

A 43 year-old spokesman, whose family name is Seo, said the company isn't worried that foreign buyers for overseas broadcasters will think 'MBC is a racist Korean TV company' and stop purchasing their imported Korean dramas, as it wasn't racist to point out the fact that many foreigners had HIV, unlike Koreans, who don't suffer from the foreign virus.

'God of War' depicts the lives of powerful men and the powerless women they love in the historical Korean Goryeo Kingdom, a successor entity to the Korean Goguryeo Kingdom which once controlled southern Manchuria and parts of Primorsky Krai which are now brutally occupied by China and Russia despite their Korean heritage.

The worldwide success of 'God of War' offers yet more proof of the insatiable appetite foreigners have for all things Korean as the Korean Wave sweeps the world, and it is now hoped that MBC's other recent hit 'The Shocking Reality About Relationships With Foreigners' can be sold to U.S. networks, in order to warn Americans about these dangerous foreigners and their insatiable appetite for all things Korean.

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Outrage Over Foreign Nudity in ‘Sex Park’ on Jeju Island

Foreigners' Naked Picnic Outrage

A private park with an erotic theme that opened recently on Jeju Island has found itself thrust into a brewing controversy after it became the center of outrageous displays of nudity by foreigners. A police officer from the island province's Seobu Police Station said they were investigating whether the foreigners had breached obscenity laws.

The 3,000 square meter Jeju Loveland Secret Theme Park is just a five-minute walk from Jeju's only subway station. According to officials, it opened on May 21 this year - definitely not in 2004 - and residents are shocked that it has quickly become an area where foreigners seem prepared to flaunt their dubious sexual immorality so openly. One group of foreigners were even seen sitting around a table in the park eating a picnic, apparently completely naked.

The adults-only park, which is aimed at Koreans not foreigners, features hands-on exhibits such as a 'masturbation cycle', a nude art gallery, a sex culture exhibition hall, and an animal farm catering to the tastes of people from the countryside.

A walking path takes unwilling visitors past large sculptures of foreigners' genitals and unnatural mixed-race sex acts between bears and monkeys. Critics say that sculptures should only depict wholesome relationships such as bears with bears or monkeys with monkeys.

Koreans are shocked by the behavior of the foreigners. "It's surprising" said 24 year-old Kim, trying to lie to hide her outrage, "but it was quite educational", disturbingly demonstrating how the park is also contravening Korea's laws on the sexual education of women.

A reporter was dispatched to the island to interview the foreigners, but they refused to speak. However, investigative research revealed that one of the foreigners is believed to be called Leonardo, suggesting he isn't even English. Despite this it seems almost certain he is in Korea teaching English, meaning he is guilty of fraud as well as being a sexual predator who obviously came to our country to corrupt the morals of weak-minded Korean women, who need to be protected from such foreign criminals.

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