Korea May Now Only Have Two Seasons Say Scientists

Korean scientists have announced that this year Korea, world famous for having four seasons, actually only had two, ‘Summer’ and ‘Winter’.

59-year-old Professor Kim, from the National Institute of Environmental Research, said that the period between what scientists technically term ‘very hot’ conditions, and ‘very cold’, was so short this year that they didn’t qualify for season status. With no Spring or Fall, the official State records must record the occurrence of only two seasons in 2010.

While many countries throughout the world have different seasons, Korea is known to be unique in experiencing all four during the course of a year, a fact which has been taught in school textbooks since the 1950s. Indeed, Italian composer Antonio Vivaldi, who visited Seoul in 1722 to learn traditional forms of Korean music which he later renamed ‘Baroque’ for his domestic audience, was so moved by the country’s four distinct seasons that he named a concerto in honor of it.

The scientists led by Professor Kim, writing in The Korea Climate Change Assessment Report 2010, said that while global temperatures have risen by 0.6 degrees Celsius in the last 100 years, the rise in Korea has been 1.5 degrees, not all of which can be explained by fallout from North Korea’s nuclear testing. It is believed that changing temperatures have resulted in shifting El Nino climatic patterns, causing Korea to have colder winters and hotter summers, with little in-between.

The Report claims the news isn’t all bad. “By 2040 the streets of Seoul could be lined with tangerine trees.” reads a bold headline, although hidden in the notes at the back is the acceptance that it will no longer be possible to grow napa cabbages in Korea, a main ingredient of kimchi.

It is feared that the revelation that Korea no longer has four seasons is likely to cause shock and bewilderment among ordinary Koreans. Fearing social unrest, the Government has already stressed how the rise in temperatures and sea levels can be used as an opportunity for job creation and the development of new business opportunities by cultivating subtropical plants and offering eco-friendly tourism. Plans are already in place to develop Daegu as a port city with building work expected to commence later next year, and diving trips to coral reefs in the submerged city of Busan are expected to be a big hit with international visitors.

But the Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity has been instructed to further investigate the disappearance of Korea’s two missing seasons. Many in the Government are skeptical of the climate change theory, and some have suggested the missing seasons may have been stolen by Japan. “If this is the case” a Government spokesman told us “we shall immediately demand their return.”

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"Jesus Was Korean" Says Seoul Church

Italian Propaganda Poster

A Seoul church has claimed that Jesus Christ, a West Bank hipster who lived 2,000 years ago and whose egalitarian anti-establishment teachings still command a global following among establishment figures and people with money, may have been Korean, rather than white, as is commonly believed.

Religious scholars working for the church have pointed to Jesus’s ‘darker complexion’, and ‘evenings spent drinking with male friends after work’ as potential clues to his Korean origins. He was also known to have mixed with prostitutes and brought an apparently dead man back to life - a feat often accomplished by Koreans in the streets of Seoul after a heavy night’s drinking.

Jesus met with an unfortunate end after the Catholic Church of the era, which at that time only numbered fourteen official members, allowed him to be taken into custody by the occupying military regime, which tried and executed him for being a liberal. Ironically, had the political roles been reversed, it appears likely from numerous later examples that the Catholic Church would have hidden and protected Jesus, rather than giving him up. Despite his execution, Jesus was said to have returned from the dead to claim eternal life, although the Church has consistently distanced itself from this accusation of zombieism despite the symbolic eating of human flesh - and the vampire-like drinking of blood - which is now incorporated into the 'Holy Communion' part of Catholic Mass.

The claims that Jesus is still alive may be boosted by the large number of people in Korea who claim to have “found Jesus” while living in the country. 57-year-old Kim, a law professor from Seoul International University says that while direct evidence may still be lacking “the large number of eyewitness reports seem to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Jesus has at least been living in Korea for some time.”

Since many people believe it would be unlikely for Jesus to be living in Korea unless he had family in the country, this is also offered as proof of his Korean heritage. Professor Kim added “Korea’s tough visa restrictions for people from the Middle East make it likely that Jesus must be in Korea on a family visa, because otherwise it isn’t clear what visa he would be eligible for.” Two years ago rumors swept Naver forums that Jesus was in fact teaching English in a backstreet Daegu hagwon, but after crowds flocked to the location it transpired to be a foreigner, known locally as Brian, who hadn’t shaved for a month.

Unfortunately very few photographs remain from Biblical Times, as the newspaper has long since ceased publication, but intriguingly some images are still held by its descendant religious publication, The Korea Times, which finally revealed two of them publicly in 2008. One image shows the birth of Jesus, in which his mother Mary is clearly wearing a hanbok, while the second image shows Jesus – who by this time is clearly Korean in appearance - being baptized. On the back of the first image the faded words 'Jesus of Namyangju' is written in Hangeul, using a type of Chinese ink unique to Korea at the time. The release of the images was controversial because it was feared Christianity in Korea would plummet in popularity if it were seen as being domestically originated rather than foreign and aspirational. Since then, more Biblical-era photographs have been released, all clearly showing Jesus to be living in Korea, probably in the vicinity of what is now the Gangnam district of the capital. "Jesus talked a lot about the eternal Seoul" said one of the Korean Biblical scholars.

Staff at The Catholic Corporation S.r.l., a limited liability company located in Rome which trades under the name The Catholic Church and is simply known as The Church when it is trying to frighten people, say the images were clearly Photoshopped in medieval times and should be ignored. The Corporation has consistently depicted Jesus as Italian for several hundred years as it is believed to be reluctant to move to Seoul, partly because of the weather but mostly because of the food. Followers of the 13th Apostle, Rufus, who was gradually edited out of early editions of the Bible due to his African ethnicity, have fought a long-running battle with The Church claiming that Jesus was also black, but researchers from the newly incorporated First Church of Christ the Corean in Seoul say that Rufus may have been generalizing because Jesus’s Korean skin was darker than that of an Italian.

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South Korea Rejects Japan’s Offer to Help Invade North

Wildly inaccurate but great built-in TV system

While many people in South Korea worry about an invasion by the Chinese-backed North, it is generally believed that American air power will ensure that the invading army is quickly repelled with only moderate devastation to Seoul.

However, there is growing concern in political circles that the United States, weakened by two wars designed to distract voter attention away from economic and social problems at home, is finally realizing that trying to relive its glory days of empire is actually accelerating the process of a collapse into obscurity, a scenario known informally in Washington as “the British eventuality”. This has led to fears that the American military presence in Korea will gradually be scaled back, clearing the way for China's planned invasion of the peninsula, using North Korea as its proxy.

Some defense experts have urged the Korean government to start arming itself, but currently – according to World Bank figures - only 2.9% of national GDP was designated towards military expenditure last year, compared to 4.6% in the United States. Officially, this still compares well to 2% for China and 1% for Japan, but according to confidential figures leaked in diplomatic cables recently, once the headline ‘pre-waste’ South Korean expenditure figure is adjusted, actual expenditure is only 0.2% of GDP. The remaining 2.7% is classed by the World Bank as ‘a masked state subsidy’, because rather than buying in high-quality American weapons, Korean chaebols develop the nation’s armaments for domestic use, and most of this defense expenditure is actually used to subsidize LCD prices in order to undercut Japan in the TV market.

Seongsan, which developed the 'Canine Blunder' howitzer that recently devastated large areas of water near the North Korean coast in retaliation for the attack on Yeonpyeong Island, has denied that its domestically developed weapons are inferior to foreign equivalents. “They have the best high-definition tactical screens in the world” a spokesman told us. However, while many government officials in Seoul were said to be privately appalled by the weapon’s lack of accuracy, the favored solution is to pay the cheabols more money to develop a new range of weapons which will counter the Northern threat. Unfortunately however these will not be ready until 2015 at the earliest, three years after the North’s planned invasion date, although it will mean cheaper TV prices in the meantime.

The Japanese government, shocked by Seoul’s defeatist attitude and an impending occupation of South Korea which will place Chinese troops within visual range of the Japanese coast for the first time in hundreds of years, has decided that more radical action is required. Despite being hampered by his nation’s pacifist constitution, this month’s Prime Minister, Naoto Kan, has devised a cunning plan to assist in the defense of South Korea by using any ‘destabilizing event’ on the peninsula as a pretext to mount a rescue mission for Japanese nationals that were abducted from Japan and taken to North Korea in the 1970s and 80s.

Despite being designated as a search and rescue mission, the Kan Plan calls for 60% of Japan’s Self-Defense Forces (SDF) to be mobilized for ‘operations in North Korea’ alongside South Korean troops. There is still some debate in Tokyo as to whether this breaches the Japanese Constitution, but Kan is also proposing a change in order to allow for it.

Politicians in Seoul were said to be appalled when Kan’s representatives tried to to talk about the idea with them, and they have refused to discuss it further. “I don't know in what context Prime Minister Kan's remarks were made," an official at the South Korean presidential office Cheong Wa Dae said, adding that “they may not have come after thorough consideration” - a phrase which is widely regarded as diplomatic speak for “he’s talking out of his ass”. The Korean Government is extremely sensitive to the idea of having Japanese troops on its territory, given Japan’s previous occupation of the peninsula and government-backed school textbooks which teach children that Japanese people are evil.

One government official seemed to capture the mood in Seoul political circles when he told us “I’d rather be killed by a (North) Korean, than saved by a Japanese.”

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Runaway Mayor Captured Nine Days After Escape

A mayor who escaped from his office in the outskirts of Seoul was captured Wednesday having eluded police officers and political staffers for nine days.

A search team climbed Mt. Cheonggye at 5 a.m. Wednesday morning to check traps. At around 8.30 a.m., the team found the 62-year-old male caught inside one of the traps. The mayor appears to be healthy, officials said.

Police had installed seven traps containing money, wine and fish – the favorite food of the missing mayor – in the areas surrounding all the peaks of the mountain range.

“The mayor appears to be in good shape. We think he was lured into a trap by the money, and was then locked inside the moment he stepped in. He was immediately given soju to calm him down.” a police official said. “However, officers faced difficulty in anesthetizing the major as the soju was initially frozen, due to low temperatures.” he added.

Over the past nine days, the mayor was spotted several times by police helicopters at the top of the mountain, but police officers and political staff failed to catch him. On Monday morning, a food cart selling instant noodles, snacks and beverages to mountain climbers at the top of the mountain was found to have been damaged, apparently by the runaway mayor.

The mayor is wanted for questioning by police in connection with a large amount of money which is believed to have been embezzled from local municipal bank accounts. The mayor denied he had stolen any more than the customary 1% of the city’s gross revenue which is allowed by legal precedent. However, a further 22% of city funds are unaccounted for, an amount so large it can not be explained away by the normal embezzling activities of other staff and elected officials. As police closed in on the mayor’s office Wednesday, he is believed to have escaped through a window which had been left open by a member of staff, sparking the massive hunt.

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Woman Admits New Foreign Husband May Be “Really Dumb”

If you passed her on the street, there would appear to be nothing unusual about urbane 24-year-old Seoul resident Kim, but she hides a dark secret. “I married a foreigner last year,” says Kim, eyes slightly lowered towards the ground, “he seemed so exotic and different, so much more interesting than Korean men”. Now Kim is beginning to realize that her husband, who she’s asked us not to name even though he never reads Korean newspapers because he can't, might not be as clever as his college degree from a minor State university in America implies. “I expected him to learn Korean, help take care of my parents, and work hard for our family, but he doesn’t study, he argues about family responsibilities, and if he’s offered work for less than 25,000 won per hour he won’t take it, even though that would be good pay for a Korean. All he ever says is ‘I’m not Korean’... it’s his answer for everything”.

The first cracks in the relationship appeared when Kim’s husband met her parents. He learned enough to formally introduce himself but after they’d approved the marriage things really went downhill. “I thought he understood he was marrying into a Korean family, but sometimes he doesn’t even seem to realize that he’s living in Korea.” She went on to explain how he still navigates the Seoul subway system using the English signs and spends his evenings watching American TV shows downloaded from the Internet. “All his friends are foreigners.” she adds, sadly.

Kim is now facing up to the possibility that, despite the college degree, her husband is ‘really dumb’. “He often talks about returning to ‘The States’ and how much better life is there because of the open spaces and the guns. I’m beginning to think he isn’t learning Korean because he thinks he doesn’t have to.” Kim is also realizing that while earning a university degree in Korea involves an entire childhood of studying long hours just to gain entry, not to mention the post-entry studies, initiation ceremonies and the trading of sexual favors with professors to increase grades, a college degree in the United States, with its no-child-left-behind refusal to acknowledge failure, is often awarded mostly for turning up at classes, and sometimes not even that. “Now I know that one-in-five Americans believe Barack Obama is a Muslim, I worry that there’s a one-in-five chance that I married someone who - in Korea - might be classed as mentally retarded and properly hidden away from society afterwards.” she said. “In America, it seems that they celebrate intellectual sub-normalcy, and let them out into society with no way of warning people.”

Kim says that next time she plans to marry a Canadian.

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Chaebols Hatch Plan to Blame Future Fires on Rats

Blame the rats

A fire which extensively damaged twin 38-story apartment blocks in the newly-discovered city of Busan in October has left South Korea’s powerful chaebols facing difficult questions over the construction quality of their buildings.

Following the fire, the National Emergency Management Agency organized inspections of 4,955 buildings across the country, discovering that over 20 percent had non-functioning sprinklers or were inadequately protected against fire. Numerous safety violations were cited in the resulting report.

Over the last two years, fires in apartment buildings have killed 86 people and injured 555, but most importantly the resulting financial losses to businesses were 20.8 billion won. The Minister of Construction admitted to us that "people die all the time, but clearly financial losses to the country’s businesses need to be avoided." The losses would be much higher if people were not discouraged from having property insurance, but fortunately Korea’s insurance industry is fully aware of the potential risks of insuring the nation’s badly-built homes.

No figures are available for the number of people killed by accidents resulting from poor construction quality. However, statistics recently discovered at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet in a disused lavatory within the Ministry of Health and Welfare show that last year under the category of fatal household accidents, 9,036 people died from electrocution within their apartments, 484 from fitted oven-related explosions, 204 from ‘gravitational failures’ (which further investigation revealed comprised of ‘internal structural collapses’ and 32 incidents designated as ‘floor failures’), 83 suicides were attributed to gas poisoning, 62 suicides were logged after the victim ‘unscrewed’ their balcony rail or full-length window fitting before jumping to their deaths, 26 single people died after becoming trapped in their bathrooms, 20 people disappeared leaving their garbage disposal units on, and 12 people were killed by ‘exploding door handles’ though there was no further explanation for this. The little-read left-wing newspaper The Hankyoreh has even alleged that the high number of deaths this year attributed to ‘weather-related’ accidents seem to mainly have occurred beneath tall buildings, fueling suspicions that the ‘concrete-rain’ phenomena of recent years may not originate from China as the Korean Meteorological Association has claimed.

Some say that with growing numbers of people sharing stories online, it is becoming much more difficult for Korea’s chaebols to claim that the nation’s apartment blocks are the safest and most harmonious in the entire world, but a spokesman for the Korea Chaebol Construction Association (KCCA) has reacted angrily to recent attacks on it by citizen groups. "Our employees work 16-hour days, often long into the night in stifling heat and biting cold, on apartments they could never afford themselves, just to make sure that people have somewhere to live quickly. Before they complain, people should think about how many of our workers have died to put them in apartments that enhance their prestige." Indeed, Korea has the highest number of construction deaths attributed to suicides, alcohol-related accidents and 'Newtonian incidents' in the OECD, although the KCCA dismiss this as reflective of the large number of construction projects going on due to Korea's superiority over other nations.

The KCCA is also angry that the National Emergency Management Agency’s investigation has broken long-standing financial agreements between the chaebols and local building inspectors to pass any building leaning at less than a ten-degree angle as safe. The National Building Inspectors Union has threatened to strike if they can no longer supplement their incomes with ‘appreciation payments’ from the chaebols. Citizen groups refuse to be silenced however, claiming that that long working hours and a culture of corruption are leading to more deaths than are acceptable.

In an attempt to reduce the unfounded criticisms against them, the construction chaebols say they have investigated the large number of fires occurring in their buildings and found that almost all of them are caused by rats. A chaebol spokesman told us "It is well known that rats often gnaw on wood or cables. Rodents’ teeth grow continuously and they nibble on surfaces to maintain the length of them. As they gnaw electrical cables, they can cut off electricity or induce sparks, resulting in a fire." The construction chaebols have asked Korea’s media chaebols to ensure that people are made properly aware of the facts. "In future, when there is a fire, rather than blaming Korea’s construction companies just because they built their apartments, people should understand that its probably rats which are to blame" added the spokesman.

A university lecturer was arrested recently for spray-painting the image of a large rat representing the President on several G-20 posters.

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Foreigner Admits New Wife May Be “Really Dumb”

“I came here five years ago as an English teacher”, says Craig, 28, “but I got worried about the constant visa renewals and started thinking about marrying one of my girlfriends.” It seemed like a perfect solution, one which would enable the young American, who entered Korea on an E-2 visa, to keep teaching private lessons, but this time on a legal basis as a F-2 holding foreign spouse. But then the Korean dream began to sour. “I met a lot of girls out at clubs and they were always a lot of fun, so when I met Kim (24) and things became a little more serious, I thought maybe she’s the one. But after we married I began to think she might not be that bright.”

Craig admits he was initially thrown off by Kim’s English ability, which was “a little poor but still functional, in a cute sort of way”. He believed that his future wife, having mastered the basics of a foreign language, which had eluded him personally after four years, must have “a reasonable amount of intelligence.” But after the wedding, as his wife’s English slowly improved to average and Craig began attending Korean lessons, he began to realize that his wife’s vocabulary consisted mainly of soap opera and shopping references. “She wore very short skirts while dancing” he laments, “but in retrospect my assumption that her mind was as attractive as her body was wrong.” Kim, who’s expecting their first child next month, plans to spend her life as a homemaker, while Craig worries that the the most philosophical conversation he’s ever likely to share with his spouse in future is over whether green or red handbags go better with her eyes.

These days, Craig regrets the marriage, but admits that it makes job-hunting easier and, he says “she’s still kind of cute, so for the next few years, at least I’ll be able to show her off to my other foreigner friends who don’t speak Korean, because they won’t realize how really dumb she is either.”

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Marxist Dalai Lama Poses Problem For South Korean Government

Praying for a revolution?

The admission by the Dalai Lama earlier this year that he is a Marxist is continuing to vex the South Korean Government. As a highly prominent Buddhist, the spiritual leader commands a lot of respect from South Korea’s large Buddhist population, but since millions of Koreans have died at the hands of followers of Marxism, and South Korea is still threatened by countries such as North Korea and China which still claim to adhere to Marxist-derived philosophies, the Government are not keen to encourage promotion of the Marxist Lama’s views, which include quotes such as “Marxism cares about the victims of minority-imposed exploitation”, even if many academics have said that if it does, it must be a form of ‘tough love’.

The problem is made more immediate because of the widespread availability of the Dalai Lama’s books in South Korea. Books on Marxist ideology were originally banned decades ago by the military government in Seoul, and while South Korea has been notionally democratic since 1987, they continue to be banned under new freedom of speech laws. A spokesman for The Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity told us that “this is a man that talks peace but admits he believes in an ideology which supports the violent overthrow of the State – well you can’t have it both ways.” The Ministry wants to find a way of banning the Marxist Lama’s books – which are ostensibly about religion but are widely viewed as ‘Trojan Horse Marxism’ - without angering Korean Buddhists. The Dalai Lama – which is a revolutionary alias - his real name is said to be Tenzin Gyatso or even Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso – has not commented on the potential Korean book ban.

As a young man, Tenzin Gyatso, if that is his real name, studied Marxist theory in Beijing where he expressed a wish to become a Communist Party member. However, his position as a spiritual leader in Tibet – a territory which China did not directly control - made this extremely difficult. The Government in Beijing applied Marxist theory to the problem of young Tenzin’s prospective Communist Party membership, fostering a violent revolution which resulted in the annexation of Tibet, clearing the way for his Party application. However, rather than welcome the Marxist encroachment he was so supportive of, Tenzin reacted badly, as young people are given to do, and eventually led a band of committed non-reactionary cadres out of Tibet and into exile in India, where he has been free to espouse his ‘true Marxist’ views.

While the internal debate continues about the banning of the Dalai Lama’s books, the Korean Government may be prepared to play a waiting game. Tenzin is not a young man, and Buddhist philosophy teaches that when he dies he will be reincarnated. The Ministry of Public Manipulation and Insecurity is hoping that when this happens, Tenzin will be reincarnated as a South Korean. “If that happens” the spokesman told us “we will be able to arrest him.”

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Foreign Teachers Move to Wrong Korea, Set up Socialist Group Anyway

Tiffany at a recent ILPS meeting

Growing up in her parents' 3-bedroom house in Upper New York State, Tiffany – 24-years old and an only child – said she became acutely aware of society’s unfairness – most of her friends’ parents had 4-bedroom houses. “I asked myself, isn’t there a better way?”

After graduating in Art History from college, Tiffany decided to move to a less fortunate country where she could teach ethnic people to speak English. She thought Korea would be an excellent choice, since she’d seen the way the small nation was continually persecuted by the Western hegemonic military-industrial complex, when clearly it was trying to do the best for its people by building a workers’ utopia - despite continual acts of sabotage perpetrated by the ideologically corrupt Western capitalist system.

“I almost didn’t come because the salary was very low, and I was concerned that my surplus value was being exploited” explains Tiffany, but she admitted that she wasn’t sure what the average Korean salary was. “Money and the accumulation of material goods is decadent” she adds, pausing to take a call from a comrade on her cellphone.

These days Tiffany is a very busy woman. Having initially joined the Association in Korea for English Teachers or AKET as it’s known, she quickly clashed with its leadership over its failure to adopt her proposed campaign of hagwon occupations and violent revolution. She still tried to implement the campaign, but was cautioned by the police for being drunk in a public place, a charge she denies. Gradually though, she met a small number of other teachers who rejected the ‘bourgeoisie' politics of mediation and negotiation, and helped co-found the Association in Corea for English Teachers (ACET). But that didn’t work out. A bar fight in Seoul between the senior leaderships of AKET and ACET, which led to several deportations, decimated the leadership of both organisations, and by this time Tiffany had come to see the remaining members of ACET as reactionary paper-tigers anyway.

Her new group, the Collectivized Response for English Teachers In Need (CRETIN), which she runs as elected General Secretary For Life on the basis of Democratic Centralism, in solidarity with a trusted comrade, now tries to re-invigorate the Revolution by issuing demands to the Government over the suspected purges of comrades in other unions who have become an embarrassment to the Party. As an active member of the World Socialist Movement she is shocked at how weak the Revolution has become “I even saw American soldiers here once” she says. Her group has since issued demands that the American military withdraw immediately from the country, and is awaiting a response.

CRETIN has moved quickly to ally itself with the anti-imperialist group TEA-KOR. TEA-KOR - Teacher's of English Abroad in Korea - is a member organization of the ILPS, the International League of Peoples' Struggles, which is allied with the Justice League of America and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. In addition to furthering The Revolution, TEA-KOR - which shares the anger of, but is not yet officially part of the Tea Party Movement - is designed to "reduce abuse" and enable foreigners "to get to know other teachers in Korea" - goals which many say are contradictory.

Former AKET colleagues have suggested that Tiffany may have traveled to the wrong Korea based on an incomplete reading of the news and lack of understanding of the history of the country’s division, but she rejects this: “I majored in Art History and heard nothing about it”. This appears to support the results of a recent survey conducted by Korea’s Presidential Council on National Branding. At a recent meeting, the head of the council, Kim Jong-un, said “we found many foreigners were still confused in distinguishing the two Koreas”.

In addition to furthering The Revolution, a statement of goals on the CRETIN website includes 'the social integration of foreigners into Korea', describing the organization as inclusive regardless of ethnicity. The site, which is only available in English, allows interested English-speakers to sign up for membership, although the Korean Immigration Service reminds foreigners of the importance of registering any political affiliations with them, particularly for Socialist or Marxist groups.

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Aid Sent to North Korea as Soldiers Too Hungry to Invade

The Korea National Red Cross in Seoul has responded to urgent pleas from the North Korean government, who are afraid their soldiers are becoming too hungry to invade the South, by sending 5,000 tons of rice and three million instant cup noodles.

Officially the donation is intended to help North Korea feed flood victims, but it is commonly understood that all humanitarian aid sent to the North goes through the military as a matter of course. Occasionally, aid does reach the intended victims, but only if they purchase it from the military, government officials, or illegal market stall owners who have purchased from the military or government in bulk. The money is used to build weapons and conduct research into WMDs which it is hoped will eventually kill everyone in the south.

In addition to food, 10,000 tons of cement is being shipped by the South Korean government to the North, which authorities in Pyongyang say will help build bunkers to protect government officials from retaliatory strikes when they invade the South.

The North officially portrays itself as politically communist for historical reasons, but is in fact an extreme right-wing military regime with no interest in sharing the benefits of the means of production with its people. In recent years it has been feeling increasingly threatened by continued liberal acts of donation from the South, leading the North's leadership to suspect that many people across the border in their southern neighbor may secretly be communists who represent a threat to the North's right-wing regime. Once South Korea is invaded, Pyongyang's military leaders plan to imprison and execute these 'liberal elements', and it is hopeful that the food aid may help them in ultimately accomplishing this goal.

The North Korean Government say the instant cup noodles will be particularly useful to their front line soldiers, since each cup represents a complete meal. The problem with rice is that there is no longer anything in the north to eat with it, aside from political prisoners, who generally aren't kept in border areas. It's unusual for instant cup noodles to be available in numbers large enough to send to the North, but the Korea National Red Cross said an anonymous corporation donated a large amount of stock recently.

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New Tourism Slogan Is “Korea, Better Than You”

Following on from “Korea, Be Inspired”, “Dynamic Korea”, “Korea, Sparkling”, “Well-Being Dreamhub Korea”, “Korea, birthplace of Kim Yu-na”, and “Korea, Fighting!”, the Ministry of Tourism has announced its new slogan for ‘Visit Korea Year 2011-2013’. “Korea, Better Than You” was selected yesterday from short-list submitted and voted upon by members of the public.

“People were asked to consider the most essential aspect of Korean culture which could quickly be conveyed to a foreign audience.” said Minister of Culture, 49-year-old Kim. “I think making the slogan a public competition has delivered a wonderful result which is really going to intrigue people in other countries and make them want visit Korea so they can properly educate themselves about this country.”

Kim admitted that it was unfortunate that foreigners living in Korea had not been able to participate in the process due to problems with the online recognition of Alien Registration Numbers, and immigration rules which prevent many foreigners from undertaking non-approved work in Korea, which thinking of a slogan could be classed as. But he hoped that these problems could be resolved in time for Visit Korea Year 2013-2015. “Korea is increasingly a multicultural country and the Ministry of Culture and the Korean Immigration Service certainly want to know the views of foreigners living here when it is convenient.” he said.

“Korea, Better Than You” will begin appearing on all buses in Seoul, and in other prominent public places where foreigners are likely to see them, from 2011. The Ministry of Tourism may also for the first time consider running the Visit Korea Year adverts outside Korea.

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